kingdom of the crystal dull...

Number 32 of my Favorite 100 photos is...



















I believe the last appearance of the Cloud Gate Sculpture in Chicago... oh wait, no, it rears its head one more time in a few weeks... sorry....

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Yesterday was the last Monday I have off this summer before our days off shift to Sat/Sun this week and we are once again "normal" people... I enjoy having Friday night mean "Friday Night" rather than it actually being Thursday for me...

I was going to go hiking, but TVGal went to "Sex and the City" on Saturday night with the gals and that got me thinking I could knock out a couple of films Monday Afternoon that I'd been meaning to see but hadn't for several reasons which included...

>>I hate going to a movie theater each year more and more because of people noisily eating, text-messaging, generally being rude and making me wish in every way I was at home watching the film on a DVD...

>>The rising costs of theater-going...

>>More and more commercials before the film to the point that I want to scream...

>>and about 12,912 other reasons that I won't bore you with here...

But I decided to pull the trigger and enter once more into the dark mysterious world known simply as the movie theater... join me, won't you??

_____

Before we get to our double feature, I'd just like to point out that one of the main reasons I hate going to the theater is just the casual rudeness that has set in with people in all facets of life.. whether it's using their cell phones in inappropriate places or ways, or just being inconsiderate nincompoops, people by and large are adopting a "Me First" attitude overall more and more each year in this country...

Case in Point...

The first thing I do at the theater (after the necessary "Parking of the Car") is walk through the door to enter the lobby... there is a man walking towards the same door weighing close to 350 pounds and as such I'm walking a bit faster than him, eventually passing him and going into the lobby first... but as an act of kindness I push the door open for him but I'm still in front of him... now, there isn't anyone in the lobby at all as it's a Monday Afternoon and as a matter of fact there doesn't appear to be anyone in the box office either... so I stand about 6 feet away waiting for the return of the Ticket Fairy or Bitter High School Dropout or whomever is going to be dispensing my paperwork for admission to the House of Film...

.... and as someone enters the box office ticket booth, the 350 pound man walks around me, wedges himself between me and the glass window and begins the ticket purchase process...

I stood there befuddled..as I was clearly in whatever "line" was there (is it a line with only two people?) and... well...

GigantoMovieGuy: What do you have starting at 1:00??
TVGuy: (thinking that I have never gone to a theater without knowing what I'm going to see ever in my life...) May I recommend a film?
GigantoMovieGuy: (turns slowly) Er... no, I'm just going to catch the 1:00pm...
TVGuy: You mean the film that starts in about 15 minutes?
GigantoMovieGuy: Er.. yes..
TVGuy: So you're not in a hurry then... hell, that gives you plenty of time I guess... maybe you should catch one of the later films like "The LineCutters" or "Inconsiderate People" or "Rude Filmgoers Who Think Of No One But Themselves"... I hear those are all pretty good...

After a look of resigned shame "Giganto" resumed the ticketbuying process and slithered away...

I bought my ticket and bypassed the candy & food counters (I had a protein bar and beef jerky squirrled away in my pockets for my between film "meal"...) and stopped off at the little boy's room pre-show where I discovered the "Xcelerator"...

If you aren't familiar with this device, it's one of those air-dry blowers that public bathrooms feature from time to time extolling the virtues of saving the environment by cutting down on paper waste, etc...

It also generated near Hurricane Force Winds... honestly, my hands were dry in about 2 seconds... it's like my fingers were in a wind tunnel...

Seriously, we've all used the "regular" airdryers... imagine that air displacement magnified by a factor of at least 10... I was actually startled by them... it was like sticking your hand out of a car window.. you know, if the car was travelling at twice the speed of sound...

Suitably impressed with the bathroom technology on display, I headed to my theater where I entered only to find that every single seat was unoccupied...

Heaven. I was the only one there. I picked the middle seat in the middle row, with an aisle in front and the perfect movie going experience ahead...

...until one guy came in and sat down directly behind me.

Honest, DIRECTLY behind me...

Can anyone explain that? Did he want to cuddle? Did he need me to explain key plot points during the film? There were 600 seats open and he picks the one directly behind me. Truly baffling... and I enjoyed his knees rocking my seatback also... until I got up and moved two seats to the right... I would have said something, but he had that "Don't Screw With Me I May Be A Serial Killer And I'll Sit Wherever I Damn Well Please" face so I moved soundlessly a few feet away and let it go...

A few more people came in, respectfully sitting, you know, NOT NEXT TO ME... and then the commercials began....

Wow, there were about 10 of them... isn't this why people used to go to the movies, to get away from Coca-Cola, Sprint, Saturn etc... sigh...

Then there was a "featurette" about the making of the "Bourne Conspiracy" video game... featuring this informational nugget..

GeekyVideoGameCreatorGuy: We have this awesome technology called "Motion Capture" that allows us to.. you know... "capture the motion" of things...

Way to break that one down Megatron...

Anyway... the wave of trailers began (why do they call them "trailers"? I'll tell you.. because they used to show them after the movie back in the day... you know... "trailing the film".... I'm only too happy to help..) and our future film choices included...

>>"Get Smart"; Steve Carell playing his 1,782nd variation of his character on "The Office"...

>>"The Dark Knight"; Our 6th Batman film in 20 years...

>>"Twilight"; A Teen Vampire Film featuring vamps who are out in daylight... not buying it..

>>"Hamlet 2"; Looked reasonably funny.

>>"Hancock"; Wil Smith's Superhero Comedy/Drama. I hear bad things about this one...

>>"Hellboy 2"; I was one of the 9 people who saw the first.. and I liked it a lot actually...

>>"Kung Fu Panda"; I don't see a lot of cartoons because.. well, I'm 44 years old... but this one looked pretty cute and funny I guess...

>>"Eagle Eye"; starring the kid from "Transformers" which looked both kinda cool and yet was utterly baffling about what it was about...

Of the above, I would say I'd see the Batman and Hellboy films at a matinee, but only weeks after they've opened... not a fan of the overcrowded theater... may catch a few more on DVD but nothing there was a "Must See" at all...

then the requisite disclaimer animation came on with such helpful advice as shutting off your cell phone, food's in the lobby if you're hungry etc...

My favorite one is always....

"In case of emergency, please head to the nearest exit"

Really? How is that helpful in anyway? Are there any other options here? What else would you do? I'm just saying...

Enough with the introduction.... let's get to our main course shall we?

Our first film was "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" which is pretty much the longest movie title this millenium, right?

I'd like to go on the record and say that I really am a big fan of the first three films of the series (even the much-maligned middle tale of the trilogy)... not to the point that I own the DVDs or rewatch the films, but nostalgically have fond memories of Mr. Ford and his merry band of archeological misfits...

...and for the first 40 minutes or so of this movie it felt like the early 80s to me all over again as Mr. Jones battled evil regimes (Russkies replacing Nazis) and all was well in the world...

...but then George Lucas couldn't help himself, introduced aliens (yes, ALIENS!!) into the plot, and a horrific, terrible, ridiculous 10 minute scene in the film's midsection took me right out of the story... and then the aliens (yes, ALIENS!!!!!!!!) in the film's third act torpedoed Spielberg's best efforts and had me shaking my head as I left the theater...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 77
Metacritic: 65
TVGuy: 55

_________________
Tony Stark: Why are you trying to hustle me out of here?
Virginia 'Pepper' Potts: Your flight was scheduled to leave an hour and a half ago.
Tony Stark: That's funny. I thought with it being my plane and all, that it would just wait for me to get there. I mean, doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose of having your own plane if it departs before you arrive?
--"Iron Man" (2008)

So after a quick restroom break (I had to experience the "Xcelerator" again... didn't disappoint at all... I'd come to the conclusion that it doesn't so much dry your hands as just remove the top two layers of skin with the water attached...) I toddled off to see Jon Favreau's "Iron Man", but after the disappointment of Dr. Jones and his Crystal Skull I mentally lowered my expectations and just hoped for something not as good as the 2nd Spider-Man film but better than "Daredevil"... actually, I just wanted the damn film to be in color and not contain a single bobble-headed alien and I would be happy...

...turns out I needn't have worried a bit...

Robert Downey Jr. has been praised fairly universally for his acting in this film, and I'm joining the chorus as well... he's dead-note perfect as the Arms Dealer Billionaire and as the aerial robot that tries to undo the hell he has wrought by dealing the arms in the first place...

There are several top-notch scenes in this film.. my favorite being the "Testing The Armor Sequences" which were both impressive to look at and incredibly humorous as well...

The special effects are indeed that, special.... also, Gwyneth Paltrow has never been lovelier as his loyal redheaded freckly assistant Pepper...

....look, I could go on and on here... but the highest praise I can give for this movie is despite the fact that I may not step foot in a theater for awhile, you can be damn sure I'll be there April 30, 2010 for "Iron Man 2"...

Okay, maybe a few weeks after it opens... but I'll be there.. honest....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 93
Metacritic: 78
TVGuy: 90

___________________
Christine Everheart: You've been called the Da Vinci of our time. What do you say to that?
Tony Stark: Absolutely ridiculous. I don't paint.
Christine Everheart: And what do you say to your other nickname, the Merchant of Death?
Tony Stark: That's not bad...
--"Iron Man" (2008)

sharks and leopards and bears oh my...

Number 46 of my favorite 100 photos I've taken...


















A shot near our house of downtown Denver during Sunrise... I like the "hole" that appears in one of the buildings.... even though I don't really know what caused that effect... Invesco Field is on the right...

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I got a few emails about our header up top on the blog so I thought I'd explain Monday's Live Running Diary...

We are watching two horrific films back-to-back and commenting on them as we watch them.. which means the blog will be added to every few minutes... will it be entertaining? Who the hell knows... but if you're at work and need time to kill, stop in every so often on Monday and join us as we suffer through two just brutal films and mock them and ourselves for watching them... at least the food and drink will be good... and afterwards I get to go watch my beloved Cardinals play the Rockies that evening at Coors Field.. so as days go, this one won't suck...

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This logo was on a t-shirt the other day that made me laugh incredibly hard... I hope you enjoy it as much as I did...














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Since it's the beginning of Summer Movie Season today I've decided to bring back our look at new releases on Fridays.... and the first "Summer Movie" looks to be especially promising....

New in Theaters This Week

>>"Iron Man" (Robert Downey, Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow); A superhero movie that looks pretty good to me judging from the commercials etc... and the critics are especially kind so far... this will be the first movie I've gone to a theater to see in quite awhile.. but I'll wait til a Monday late show to catch it and avoid the billions of kids there this weekend....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 95
Metacritic: 80


>>"Made of Honor" (Patrick Dempsey, Bridget Monaghan); wow.. this movie looks terrible! I'm not even sure I'd see this on a Bad Movie Monday event here at the Mansion... and yet, bad romantic comedies seem to end up in our Netflix queue and TVGal and I start to watch them and then for the 90 minutes or so the film unspools in front of our eyes we both silently pray the other person will ask to stop the movie but we never do and then after it's over we both hate ourselves....

...just sayin....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 07
Metacritic: 37


New on DVD This Week

>>"The Golden Compass" (Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig); It's a fantasy movie based on a series of well-liked children's books... yeah, hardly any of those films around lately...

This got me thinking though... I've not seen the 2nd or 3rd "Pirates of the Caribbean" films, Parts 2 and 3 of the "Shrek" Trilogy... the "Narnia" film... or the last "Harry Potter" movie... I've really been a bit of a slacker the past couple of years as it turns out when it comes to big blockbustery moviemaking....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 42
Metacritic: 47


>>"27 Dresses" (Katherine Heigl, James Marsden); I'm sure I could predict every single event that happens in this film before it does.. but maybe it won't be as bad I think... maybe....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 39
Metacritic: 51

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A tour through the Animal Kingdom here today at TVGuy....

First up.. Sharks!

There have been a few Great White Shark attacks in the news recently.... and these helpful hints from Slate.com were on their site the other day... I swear I'm not making these up....

Slate.com: Shark attack experts suggest punching a shark only as a last resort.

TVGuy: How does one get to be a "shark attack expert" by the way? Is there a school for this? I'm guessing that's a pretty crappy Internship, no?

(early one morning at Bob's "Shark World"....)

Teacher: Okay, now get in the Shark Tank...

Intern: Umm.. I don't think so...

Teacher: Trust me, that shark won't bother you in the least...

Intern: Really?

Teacher: Of course.. I'm an "expert"...

Intern: Well.. if you say it's okay.. (lowers self down ladder into tank)

Shark: Yes! Another one! (swims eagerly towards ladder)

Intern: Oh my god, it's coming towards me!

Teacher: Just make sure you punch it in the snout!

Intern: AAAIIEEEE! GlubglubaaieeeArrrghGlub

Shark: Delicious! I love "Intern Week"!

Teacher: Wow... she wasn't very good... hmm... where did I put that mop?

Shark: Munchmunchmunch

(Sorry.. where were we again?)

Slate.com: Rapid retreat tends to be a better plan.

TVGuy: Look, I'm pretty sure the shark is going to be a hell of a lot more "rapid" than me... you know... IN THE FREAKIN' WATER WHERE IT LIVES AND SWIMS REALLY FAST WITH ITS GIANT FINS AND TAIL AND CAN MOVE ABOUT EIGHT THOUSAND TIMES FASTER THAN I CAN YOU KNOW?!?

Slate.com: It won't help to play dead if a shark has you cornered.

TVGuy: "Cornered"? In the ocean??! Is this a Square Ocean? Are there Right Angles in the Pacific?

Slate.com: Instead, a smack to the face or snout - where sharks, like humans, have a high concentration of sensory receptors - can stun your attacker and give you enough time to escape.

TVGuy: This sounds like advice from someone who really hasn't been around.. you know.. an actual shark.... maybe I could yell at it... or wave my hands really fast in a threatening manner.. or talk in a deep, scary voice.... are sharks ticklish? Is that a strategy I could employ? What about hypnosis?!

But the best advice was this....

Slate.com: When a shark has you in its jaws, try poking at its eyes or gills...

TVGuy: Wow.. that's kind of like the airlines telling you in the event of cabin decompression to calmly and carefully place that Parkay Margarine Cup with the rubber band attached over your mouth slowly and calmly as your plane spirals hopelessly into the ground at about 900 miles per hour... as if you could do anything "calmly" at that point...

If you are in the jaws of a shark, WOULD YOU CALMLY "TRY" POKING AT ITS EYES?

Of course not! It would be about the worst experience you could face as a human being.. would you be able to take even one second and think about your surroundings?!? No!!! You're in the jaws of a giant white shark that is about to cut you in half... could you possibly act rationally at this time?

In fact that might have been the most ridiculous yet horrifying sentence ever written... "when a shark has you in its jaws"... I mean, honestly? What's worse than that?

"Hmm.. this is quite a predicament I find myself in... what did that helpful internet article say to do again? Let's see...."

Helpful advice?

No.

Advice for these scenarios is just ridiculous...

"If you're on fire, try to find water!"

Please...

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Next up: Leopards!

My friend Adam at work had some Leopard Trivia to share yesterday.... (don't ask.. I didn't...)

Apparently, the Leopard not only kills its prey, but then drags the carcass up to the top of a tree where it keeps it to snack on later...

Which is just an awful mental image and I wish I'd never thought of seeing a tree filled with Leopard snacks... but I also found out later that Leopards are pretty much the only other animal other than man to kill for sport.

Unfortunately, this was the example on the website I was perusing....

Just to put that into perspective, imagine Mike Tyson carrying another Tyson up a tree holding on only with his teeth....

yep, just wanted to share that thought with you....

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This leaves us with our friends, the Bears...

This headline was furnished to me by my coworker LDL last week...

"Bear in Deadly Attack Gave No Warning"

That is awesome! What warning would the bear normally give?

Bear: "Umm.. excuse me... but I'm just really sick and tired of you patronizing me with your tiny fish that you parcel out as treats when I do something you want and I've been thinking about ripping your throat out with my teeth and frolicking in your blood.... how's that sound there My Fleshy Human Prey??"

or maybe just "Roarrrrr"... or "Grrrrr"... do bears say "Grrrrr"? Hmmm... probably not...

Either way... why would it give a warning? People... it's a Freakin' Bear!

Here with more is the good folks from your Associated Press...

BIG BEAR LAKE, Calif. (AP) -- The grizzly bear that wrestled Will Ferrell's character in the recent film "Semi-Pro" seemed to obediently follow cues which made its killing of its trainer with a bite to the neck all the more stunning.

TVGuy: It was a famous bear to boot.. which makes this all the more sad... yet another troubled celebrity... first Britney, now this....

Three experienced handlers were working with the grizzly Tuesday at the Predators in Action wild animal training center when the bear attacked Stephan Miller, 39, said San Bernardino County sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Beavers.

TVGuy: Now that's a great name.. "Cindy Beavers"... wow... how many jokes has she heard in her lifetime? Is that her maiden name? She couldn't have married into the Beaver family, could she? No way you're changing your name to Cindy Beavers...

Stephan Miller is the cousin of training center owner Randy Miller, she said.

TVGuy: It's never the management that suffers.. always the employees....

Pepper spray was used to subdue and contain the bear, and there were no other injuries, Beavers said. Paramedics arriving shortly after the initial emergency call around 3 p.m. were unable to revive Stephan Miller.

TVGuy: I think "having throat ripped out violently by giant bear" pretty much is all the injury we need to dwell on here...

The state Department of Fish and Game and Occupational Safety and Health Administration were investigating the incident.

TVGuy: That's a lot of responsibilities for just one Department... I mean, they've got to worry about Fish, Game, Safety and Health?!? That is one full plate for those folks... Heck, I'm happy if a state-run agency can just remember to fill potholes from time to time....

Fish and game spokesman Harry Morse told the San Bernardino Sun Tuesday his department would not decide whether the bear will be euthanized because the attack occurred outside its jurisdiction during a training session on facility grounds. Morse speculated that the county animal care officials may decide the bear's fate. A call placed early Wednesday to the county's Animal Care and Control Program was not answered.

TVGuy: Um, "decide the bear's fate"? We're all agreed on killing this animal here, right? No one is trotting out the defense "well, he was just having a bad day.. you know how bears can be don't you?" ... right?!?

Sheriff's Sgt. Dave Phelps said the bear was a 5-year-old male named Rocky. The Predators in Action Web site said Rocky is 7 1/2 feet tall and weighs 700 pounds.

TVGuy: "Predators in Action"?!? Yikes... I guess it's my duty to head over there and check it out...

Wow, there are a lot of photos... and I found some of "Rocky"...
























Kind of like Rocky's "Glamour Shot" I guess....

























"Rocky the Bear" meets "Bob the Snack"...

The site, which was off-line early Wednesday due to overtaxed bandwidth, identified Rocky as the animal that appeared with Ferrell's character in the scene from "Semi-Pro." Randy Miller doubled for Ferrell in the bear wrestling match, according to the site.

TVGuy: Again, if you are "wrestling a bear" for a living.. well, your High School Guidance Counselor failed you in ways that I can't possibly break down here....

Calls seeking comment from Randy Miller were not immediately returned Tuesday evening.

TVGuy: Well, there was "throat" all over the floor that needed cleaning up... who would expect him to have time to answer the phone?

The center, located in the San Bernardino Mountains east of Los Angeles, has two grizzlies, and also trains lions, tigers, leopards, cougars and wolves for uses ranging from film and TV to advertising and education.

TVGuy: I'd shore up the "education" part of the center, but that's just me....

In a February interview, Randy Miller called Rocky "the best working bear in the business," the San Bernardino Sun reported on its Web site Wednesday. But, the paper quoted him as saying, "If one of these animals gets a hold of your throat, you're finished."

TVGuy: "If one of these animals gets a hold of your throat, you're finished" narrowly surpasses "If a shark has you in its jaws..." for 2008's "Worst Sentence Ever" Award...

Randy Miller has 25 years of experience training animals and his facility has had a perfect safety record, according to the site.

TVGuy: "Had" is obviously the key word in that sentence...

Randy Miller won a World Stunt Academy Award for his work wrestling tigers in the 2000 blockbuster "Gladiator" and performed stunts with his animals in films like "The Postman," "The Island of Dr. Moreau," and "The Last Samurai." He also helped recreate animal attacks for National Geographic documentaries and the Discovery Channel.

TVGuy: In the future, if your resume has "The Gladiator" on it you may want to leave off "The Postman".... just trying to be helpful here...

It was not immediately known how long Rocky has been at the facility.

TVGuy: I can guess how long he'll be at the facility from this point forward... my money's on "Not Long"...

The attack prompted actress Virginia McKenna, founder of the international wildlife charity Born Free, to call for the entertainment industry to stop using wild animals. "The movie industry urgently needs to use its technological and creative imagination to put an end to the use of live wild animals in commercials and movies," McKenna, who starred in the 1966 wildlife film "Born Free," said in a printed release. "Hollywood is a dream factory ‚ this time the dream has become a nightmare."

TVGuy: Hey Virginia... shut the hell up why don't you... from all of us here at TVGuy... thanks...

Denise Richards, who works with wild animals at Moonridge Zoo, a sanctuary for injured and homeless wildlife in nearby Big Bear Lake, said trained animals that turn on their handlers are often destroyed. "You can train them and use as many safety precautions as you can, but you're still taking a chance if you're putting yourself in contact with them," Richards said. "It's still a wild animal. Even though it may appear that the bear attacked for no reason, there was a reason. I'm sure Randy understands why it happened. They're not cold-blooded killers."

TVGuy: Actually, I'm pretty sure that "Rocky" just saw the handler by a different name... "Lunch".... again, It's a Freakin' Bear!!

Native grizzly bears are extinct in California.

TVGuy: I can't imagine why....

_______________________
Mandy: I was thinking that it would be a good idea, as a symbol to signal how serious we are about our relationship with China, if we asked them for another bear.
Toby: I think it would be a good idea as a symbol to signal that China is serious about their relationship with us if they stop running over their citizens with tanks.
--"The West Wing" (NBC)

letters, we get letters...

trying to finish up the Xmas light photos... a few more days and we'll be done for '07....

____

New in Theaters This Week:

>>"National Treasure: Book of Secrets" (Nicolas Cage, Harvey Keitel); this one's getting beat up a bit in Reviewland, but I'll see it at some point anyway as I really enjoyed the first one... I know there are some people who can't stand Mr. Cage's efforts in the world of acting, but I rather like his forays into the adventure realm... sue me....

Rating (out of 100):

Rotten Tomatoes: 35
Metacritic: 48

>>"The Great Debaters" (Denzel Washington); it's based on a true story, but after reading the official description if you can't predict every second of this film then you've been in a prison the past 30 years...

Set against the backdrop of the Jim Crow South and inspired by a true story, The Great Debaters chronicles the journey of a brilliant but volatile coach (Denzel Washington) who uses the power of words to shape a group of underdog students from a small, modest black college in East Texas into an elite debate team while challenging the social mores of the time, culminating with a groundbreaking invitation to debate Harvard's championship team.

The original movie poster looked like this...

perfectly acceptable effort there...

but oddly they then released this... er... abomination...

sorry, but that's just hideous...

Rating (out of 100):
Rotten Tomatoes: 76
Metacritic: 64

>>"Aliens vs Predator: Requiem"; wow... this looks horrible... let's see if some critics around the country can change my opinion..

A tasteless, witless, mindlessly perfunctory bloodbath that has the discourtesy to take itself seriously.

--Scott Tobias, The Onion

Ho, ho, ho - the joke's on anyone who pays to see this...

--James Berardinelli, Reelviews

guess not...

Rating (out of 100):
Rotten Tomatoes: 13
Metacritic: 27

New on DVD This Week:

>>"Eastern Promises" (Viggo Mortensen); I have nothing to say about this supposedly excellent film other than I enjoy typing or saying the name "Viggo" quite a bit...

Rating (out of 100):
Rotten Tomatoes: 88
Metacritic: 82

>>"The Kingdom" (Jaime Foxx, Jennifer Garner); I'm still so bitter about Mr. Foxx's work in "Stealth" that I couldn't possibly rent this... I leave it to you all to decide...

Rating (out of 100):
Rotten Tomatoes: 52
Metacritic: 56

>>"Rush Hour 3" (Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker); Actually, I like Mr. Tucker even less than Mr. Foxx... I haven't seen a frame of any of these films and I never will... if it's your cup of tea, by all means enjoy...

Rating (out of 100):
Rotten Tomatoes: 20
Metacritic: 44

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The TVGuy mailbag is getting full again so let's get to it... as always, these are portions of actual emails received here at our little electronic postal address...

>>Hi everyone!

It's been one week since the big knee surgery, so I thought I'd send you all a quick email to thank you for your support and let you know how it all went - and how it's still going. (That, and I'm going a bit stir-crazy here in the house and just wanted to do something new....time to write an email!)

Yes, after years of dealing with a bum knee and months of fretting about this upcoming surgery, the dreaded day finally came (last Thursday, 11/1). And as most of you know, I've always been a worry-wart. So now, after weeks of waiting.....my first real surgery with a 5-6 month-long rehab was here. Who-hoo!
--penguin**** @********.net

TVGuy: My friend Troy is recovering nicely from knee surgery... I think... he sent along these photos...

Fighting the urge to violently throw up aside, this is a good time to once again reestablish the ground rules about emailing pictures to TVGuy and what we deem unacceptable....

TVGuy's Top Ten Worst Photo Submission Ideas

1. No Knee Surgery photos of any kind...

2. Actually, No Surgery photos of any kind...

3. Anything that has to do with the birth of your adorable newborn, both 2 hours before and 10 minutes after the blessed event...

4. Anything that has the word "dental" in the description of the photo...

5. Any photo taken past the hour of 2 a.m. Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. Nothing.

6. Any stage of you participating in an eating contest... especially the "after" shot...

7. Barmitzvahs...

8. You standing in front of your brand new car (mine is 11 years old... bite me...)

9. Any photo taken on a a camera phone.. you want to send grainy crappy photos to people fine.. just not me..

10. Any photo of me from ages 1-23.... no reason to scare people off...

___

>>I'm so disappointed. Why did you have to go to New Jersey for the landfill? Does Garden State trash smell worse than Golden State trash? Wouldn't a landfill in Alabama smell much worse, just based on the festering capabilities of oppressive humidity? As a native, I want the world to know that there are very lovely areas of New Jersey. Don't perpetuate the stereotype...
--Jana.********* @@****tt.com

TVGuy: Jana is referring to a previous column where I said something smelled like a Jersey landfill...

Look.. I was in Jersey once. For two hours. It smelled bad. I mean, uncomfortably so... like being over at Big Uncle Jimmy's house after an "Olive Garden Unlimited Pasta Bowl Night".... so you'll forgive me if my first impression was unfavorable... I'm sure it's a lovely place (well, except Newark...)

___

>>moorish subsidy assignee heron heron glossolalia chicory come kosher trustee
necktie glad glossolalia shaggy bawl hobby ix kosher levin whoosh hoe shaggy christy terminal bald patemagnuson kwashiorkor whoosh glossolalia technique sammy bogota sammy weasel nc assnecktieglossolalia baldpate come residual
--MilagrosmistyCrain @*************.com

TVGuy: Does anyone else get these emails? I really don't understand the point here... Are they drunk? Are they trying to get some search engine involved by putting lots of strange words in the body of the email? (And if so, why would you ever want "kosher weasel necktie" entered into Google? Further investigating is needed....)

___

>>BearManor Media is proud to announce the publication of author Herbie J Pilato's TV companion books:

THE BIONIC BOOK: THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN AND THE BIONIC WOMAN
RECONSTRUCTED

Foreword by Richard "Oscar Goldman" Anderson
--BearManorMedia** @***.com

TVGuy: Never has the word "Proud" been used so sadly in human experience...

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>>port slupbum perfecting klingibum rare troops denethor tendering overcame factors polite east disclosed evolving revisited elendil momma carping standards elijah naked painting dawning plasma months orthodoxy hadst disbursing time judges gesserit lasted secured heat stops witness senses sporting criteria discussed fourth leisurely freighted awakens denyers clods ohmigod lulls greeks estranged alps remove bolton presumed sect holds willingly willingly position criteria slugs voyage japan moshe pious explicitly stamps finish massacres capita acted serves hours monkies brows internal endorsed moral horrid saddam assertions passage attempt motives abides robert construct throats republican realms senor coleridge narrowly bequeathed looking dawning adams sakes design piercing fourth choicest vileness collectors mitigation underlined sits towerbr unto graciously proponents analogues mildness neutral compare library banning tragedy haps side baggins tempests morton issue devoted skepticism accuses unwise earned website treaties mohammedan collapse wives wave ringing teach deific directed thoughts segments seest murderer shrines deific injured forests perishes sakes season work silencing refinement prefer defies shrieks liberal ended invent dougherty core pull steals delia veined discrowned fort behoved pippin wade teacher irish sleeps ignorance terra variations folk psychic dreariest stupidity terminated blog tremendous wings narrowly baggins mudded meets cult happened tribe moaneth velvet scathingly signifies russians obtuse prefer denounce temerity mohammedan linebr believeth input sorry hickam category separated juda abides onto infections scapegoat strikingly sprung reign season biting whould lakota referring states offensive wstephen tilde scuffle flat cake suspected clearness screen trigger become sensation sapiens horribly bash simplicity clearly efficient buddhism pheromones base extirpates spectator peoples supports game statement qoutes wnational itself serpent secured suspicious dull methods best collect guevara homestead elder marvelling soley wimpy kocher where ravage critic tennesee cheeks deadly lossbrof heartless wilderness fatally winepress dungeon tackling stir ashbr notability crack quoted joyfully dawning cornered mechanisms shock seeth eats bullet refrained respects crack imprudence wessexbr imprudence incidental permanency drooping drifting bakunin ringing query utmost tripped petty enquirer elusive diverse lunatics temperfoam part bash techniques feared presidents gideaon practiced preacheth velvet armstrong conagra hastened transpires poets doubting yardstick rouse rooted melted hasty fourth quoted mozart pulled sounding offending weighing whither genuine work mental japhies criteria lasting glorious arrakis crackle verge archive brarwen poux vaderdarth leaned educating fighters propagated reliable
--ColonMate @*********.net

TVGuy: (Sigh...)

This email however contained information on how to remove "5 to 25" pounds of fecal matter trapped in your colon with the fabulous product....

Oh Lucky Day!!

(Never mind the fact that the human body doesn't work like that and that there isn't even 2 pounds of anything laying trapped in your intestines... for the last time.. Colon Cleansing is a fraud folks... you want to detox? Mix in some fruit and veggies along with cutting down on all that red meat and you'll feel better... we now return you to the mailbag, already in progress...)

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>>Where is this year's holiday photo with TVCat?
--mart*** @***.com

TVGuy: Okay, I'm through fighting TVCat's popularity.. He has slowly but surely eclipsed me as "Reason People Come to TVGuy:... I admit it.. I've lost the war...

But if you think for one second I'm just going to stop everything I'm doing and snap a photo of that damn cat, think again... why don't you just have him do it?

Oh yeah, that's right.. no opposable thumbs.. I guess he's not the "SuperCat" you thought he was.... (evil laugh inserted here)

Now if you'll excuse me...

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>>Would you please wish TVCat a very Merry Christmas? Any photos this year? Loved the one last year with him in the wrapping paper.. sooo cute!!
--456t**** @*******.net

TVGuy: (heavy sigh...)

Everyone happy now? Good... next....

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>>I really enjoyed your photos the other day of the highway and the streaking headlights... as your photos were taken near Invesco Field could you take some there next time and email them to me? My husband is a huge Broncos fan and I think he would really like them... if you could do this before Christmas I'd really appreciate it...Thanks!
--can**** @*****.com

TVGuy: Gee, would you like me to maybe print them out for you? Pick out and purchase a frame as well? Could I deliver it on Xmas morning? Maybe bring over some cocoa??

I don't know if you understand the premise of this website... This isn't a "Photo Request Of The Day Joint" ... you can't just come in here, drop me a note and expect me to stop everything I'm doing and..

Well... you know... umm... er.. well.. actually I'm not really doing much of anything right now.... it's really only a few blocks away... hmmm....

(hope these are okay...)

(as always, photos here at TVGuy grow magically when you click on them.. for no extra charge! Just our way of giving back to the community....)

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>>By the way, I completely agree on the baffling question of whether Kyra Sedgwick is attractive or not... it changes from scene to scene on her show "The Closer"... one minute I think she's a hottie, the next I'd rather french kiss my grandpa than her.

--je**** @*****.net

TVGuy: That insanely disturbing visual image aside, Sedgwick is clearly the poster gal for this phenomenon... Uma Thurman is also a charter member... but nearly anyone can occasionally drift into this two-faced world...

I was shopping yesterday and saw the cover photo of this month's Redbook magazine was featuring Giada DeLaurentiis... which is normally a good thing... I generally find her to be exceptionally attractive while she plies her Food Network trade... however...

Seriously though, not a flattering photo... I haven't been that frightened by a smile since Nicholson played "The Joker"... how many teeth does she have anyway? 58? 84? Yikes!

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>>Why is your cat named "TVCat"? That can't possibly be his/her real name...
--an******* @****.com

TVGuy: No, that is not his real name.... but have you looked at the top of this web page? "TVGuy" isn't my real name either...

Believe me, his nickname has nothing to do with television or...

(moving on...)

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>>On Christmas Eve I was in a car with my 12 and 11 year old nieces listening to a CD from the show "Hannah Montana" on the Disney channel on an endless loop for 4 hours...

The next time that happens I was wondering if you had any advice for me on how to, you know, kill myself...

--caro******* @ *****.org

TVGuy: I've never felt sorrier for someone in my entire life.... I would have published the rest of that letter but I was fearful someone else upon reading it would want to throw themselves in front of a train... easily the worst holiday weekend I've ever heard of (it featured "Pineapple Chocolate Chip Cookies" and a TV marathon of "The Golden Girls" just to give you a taste...)

But after reading your email I thought of two things that I wanted to delve into....

1) I was in a restaurant the other day minding my own business, eating breakfast and reading the paper when the song "We Built This City" by Starship came on over the house radio system...

That song is horrific... I was silently stewing and wishing I had the ability to travel through time 4 minutes ahead to skip it.... fortunately it came to an end...

... unfortunately the next song was "Hey There, Georgy Girl"...

I hadn't heard that song in about a zillion years... those 3 minutes passed very slowly indeed.. as the song faded out I silently thanked any Gods out there that might be listening who had ended my misery... unfortunately, it was the Devil who answered my message by delivering my most hated of all music produced in this millennium...

Yes, "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band.

Oh, believe me.. I'm not the only one here who has to suffer.. why don't you click here to feel a taste of my misery.

I'm just saying... worst 3 songs back to back to back in Earth's history... and I was there to record it for you... now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go puncture my eardrums with a Q-Tip...

2) I had read a few months ago that "Hannah Montana" merchandise had made something like 8 billion dollars... I then realized I knew absolutely nothing about "Hannah Montana" and decided to investigate...

Apparently it's a show on the Disney Channel that stars Billy Ray Cyrus and his daughter that is targeted for preteens that is immensely popular.... let's sneak in some trivia here shall we?

(As always, drag your cursor past the word "answer" for the solution.. Inviso-text at work!)

Q: What name below was not considered for the title character?

A) Alexis Texas

B) Samantha York

C) Anna Cabana

D) Dakota Dakota

Answer: D) Dakota Dakota

Q: Who below has not guest appeared on "Hannah Montana"?

A) Larry David

B) Brooke Shields

C) The Rock

D) Bob Saget

Answer: D) Bob Saget

See, Hannah Montana can be delightful!! I don't really understand what the problem here is... I'll just pop over to ITunes and listen to some snippets of her delightful soundtrack and then this issue can be laid to rest... back in a sec...

(listening...)

(feeling slightly nauseous...)

(lapsing into coma....)

Er.. okay.. a 4 hour car ride listening to that would make me want to break out Starland Vocal Band's Greatest Hits CD... almost....

(Of course, that's a joke because no such CD exists... I really really hate the Starland Vocal Band.... in case you couldn't tell...)

___

>>What's the worst Christmas gift you received as a child? Socks? A toothbrush? Last year my niece got a 6 pack of clothes hangers...

--use******** @****.com

TVGuy: My mother (rest her soul) would never bestow common household items such as those upon me... nope, our Christmas was filled with kittens, rainbows, horsies, ponies and cotton candy!!

Of course, that's because I grew up long ago.. if I was a child today, there would be a chance that I would receive something like this...

Yep, it's the McDonald's Plastic Drive-Thru!! Hey, if you want to send the message to your little girl that earning 5.67 an hour is in her future, the choice is yours... (I would say that gift is quite McSucky myself...)

Why not just get her a Barbie Doll? What's wrong with that? Good, clean wholesome American fun... and you can get her one of those sets that has buildings and things for her to play in... you know, something that is extra special.. something she can dream about doing herself someday... a fantasy world where anything is possible!!!

(Barbie, would you like fries with that??)

_________________

Piper: Leo, you obviously don't have sisters. One minute you're arguing about something and then suddenly you're arguing about who stole who's Malibu Barbie in 1979...

--"Charmed" (WB)

film friday...

more blossoms of light photos....

























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New in Theaters This Week


>>"I Am Legend" (Will Smith); I was really looking forward to this based on the commercials and movie trailer, but I'm hearing now that the 2nd half of this film is filled with some ridiculous CGI creatures and turns into some sort of Zombie movie... ugh. I thought this would break my months long streak of not stepping into a theater... I leave that now to "National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets" next week....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 59
Metacritic: 65



>>"Alvin & the Chipmunks"; sort of like the "Garfield" films... which is to say, I'll never ever ever see this film....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 27
Metacritic: 38



>>"The Perfect Holiday" (Queen Latifah); what would make my holiday perfect is not seeing this film...


Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 19
Metacritic: 32



New on DVD This Week:

>>"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Matt Damon); the last film I've seen in a theater... and worth every damn penny.... wonderful action fare featuring one of my 10 favorite actors (scoffing are you? Really?? "Good Will Hunting", "Bourne Identity", "Saving Private Ryan", "Dogma", "Syriana", "Talented Mr. Ripley", "The Good Shepherd", "Rounders", "Ocean's 11", "Bourne Supremacy", "The Departed"...


do I need to go on? I think not... I'd pretty much watch Damon butter toast for 2 hours and pay for it at this point...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 93
Metacritic: 85



>>"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" (Daniel Radcliffe); I've never read a word of the novels, instead deciding early on to get my Potter info directly from the films... I understand the books are quite delightful but I just don't have the time... I find the movies to be deeply flawed on many levels, and quite repetitive.... but also highly enjoyable.... a magical paradox indeed...


Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 77
Metacritic: 71

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Flipping through channels the other day I watched bits and pieces of 3 movies and wanted to comment on all of them...


>>I freely admit that the first hour of "King Kong" (the Peter Jackson 2006 remake) takes a lot of patience to sit through but once that big ape hits the screen that movie is just a pleasure to watch... the scenes of Kong on top of the Empire State Building are marvels of modern filmmaking...


>>Conversely, the scene where Catherine Zeta-Jones starts making out with Sean Connery in "Entrapment" is nausea-inducing... seriously... just awful...


If you haven't seen this film, let me help you with the visual... Imagine watching your Grandpa making out with Hannah Montana... I'll pause while you fight the urge to throw up violently...


Ick. Ick. Ick. Also, the movie is pretty shitty while I'm thinking about it as well...


>>For years "Speed" was my movie that, above all others, would be mandatory viewing if I was just flipping through the channels and came across it. I've taken some grief from people over the years as I've proclaimed publiclly my love for that action film but I don't care... I think it's just flat out terrific even if it does star Keanu Reeves... I've seen parts of it now probably 30 times and my opinion of it hasn't gone down an iota...


Having said that, it has been replaced in "Stop Everything You're Doing and Watch This Film Til Its Conclusion Right Now" by "Rounders"... I just wanted to go on the record with that... I feel better...


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Look, we're all getting older. Duh. But nowhere to me is it more apparent that I am now just days from my 44th birthday (gulp!) than by watching today's motion picture comedies....


TV's Matt and I have as you may or may not know "Bad Movie Mondays" where we screen two cripplingly awful films for reasons passing understanding....

Well, we decided to take the foot off the gas pedal one Monday and just watch a few "normal" films that many of our friends had been chatting about at work and see what all the fuss was about...

the first, "Superbad" was a movie that I would have found just hilarious at age 18-22... but at 43... not so much. I can understand why people find it funny... I can also understand that most of those people are in their 20s...


The other, "Hot Rod", was not as well made... but had 2 things going for it that "Superbad" did not...

1) Isla Fisher. (Impossibly good-looking for someone that a) short and b) has had sexual relations with "Borat"... eww..)

I'll post a picture here of her for a couple of reasons...



























the first reason is that it's just a blatant attempt at driving up male readership here at TVGuy because... well... she's fun to look at... but the second reason is even more fun, and that of course is...

What The Hell Is She Wearing In This Photo???


Seriously? WTF? It looks like something from the 1773 version of the Victoria's Secret catalog.. it's like she's trying to seduce Thomas Jefferson...

where were we... oh yeah, reasons I sorta liked "Hot Rod"... here's the 2nd reason...

2) A 45 second scene that had me and Matt laughing out loud for minutes... and not just a little chortle, but a uprorious laughter that always feels great and you wonder why you don't have occasion to laugh like that more often...

I'm posting the clip here... (the character is doing a "Flashdance" parody dance in the woods and stumbles and... well, you watch the clip...) I fully acknowledge that it may just have been the mood we were in, or some subpar filmmaking for minutes before seeing this sequence that made it seem funnier than it was... but I just watched it again and while I didn't laugh like I did the first time, it made me smile during its entirety, and that's fine also....


>>"Superbad"
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 87
Metacritic: 76
TVGuy: 37


>>"Hot Rod"
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 37
Metacritic: 43
TVGuy: 44

Have a good weekend won't you??

__________________
Mike McDermott: You can't lose what you don't put in the middle... But you can't win much either...
--"Rounders" (1998)

don't sweat it...

More Aspen photo fun... (from Sept 20th)

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A rather colorful sunset this morning... I took a few photos and am passing the sunrisey goodness on to you, the consumer....








































































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New in Theaters This Week:

>>"Beowulf" (animated); As I get older, I find it increasingly difficult to sit through an animated film... even one like this that apparently features Angelina Jolie's buttocks... just sayin'.....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 71
Metacritic: 65
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 69

>>"Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" (Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman); Hey kids, he's sort of like Willy Wonka, although not as funny, not as talented and his toy store isn't as cool as the Candy Factory... so I'd skip it I guess is what I'm saying here...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 31
Metacritic: 47
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 50


New on DVD This Week:

>>"Ocean's Thirteen" (George Clooney, Matt Damon); I don't know about you, but Mr. Damon's anointing recently as the "Sexiest Man Alive" by People Magazine certainly ratched up my anticipation for this sequel.... Honestly, do they just rotate that thing every four years between Pitt, Damon, Clooney and McConaghey? What's the point? Could it be any more pathetic and ridiculous? Does anyone even read People Magazine anymore? Hell, does anyone read Magazines anymore?

Having said all that, we just got this movie yesterday from Netflix and I'm quite looking forward to it... sexy or not...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 69
Metacritic: 62
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: n/a

>>"Shrek the Third" (animated). I haven't even seen "Part 2" yet... feels like an obligation at this point.. I'm just burned out on sequels... hell, I haven't even seen parts 2 or 3 of "Pirates of the Caribbean" yet... if the Hollywood writers stay on strike I guess I'll have a lot of spare entertainment time this winter....

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 42
Metacritic: 58
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: n/a

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Perhaps you recall our discussion a few months ago about the Gillette "Fusion" razor, which not only has 872 blades but apparently some sort of nuclear capability as well...

But the good folks at Gillette aren't stopping there... no, there are other areas of your life that can be improved as well...

Apparently they now have an anti-perspirant/deodorant that is now "Clinical Strength".... their ad states that with "34 percent better wetness protection than a prescription product, Gillette Clincal Strength helps you stay fresher and more confident..."

Wow... a "Clinical Strength" product for under your arms... and it's a third stronger than prescription deodorants...

Which begs the obvious question here...

THERE ARE PRESCRIPTION DEODORANTS????

Really?? A doctor can prescribe anti-perspirant????

This looks like a job for America's fastest growing web segment...

I Had No Idea #9

Q: Is there a Prescription Anti-Perspirant? Can Doctors actually write a prescription for eliminating buckets of sweat??

A: As it turns out, you betcha...

First off, I must Google this...

(Googling...)

And we're back... boy, I've uncovered some information here previously unknown to TVGuy... let's share...

>>The body has 5 million sweat glands, 2/3rds of which are in your hands...

>>Excessive Sweating is called "Hyperhidrosis".

>>Proctor and Gamble also have come out with a "Super Anti-Perspirant".. here's their press release...

3/7/2007 - Procter & Gamble is expanding its Secret female deodorant brand with the launch of a new product that is said to be clinically proven to provide prescription strength protection against wetness. The product has been developed using a patented triple-action technology that provides three layer protection to fight wetness, odor and provide skin soothing conditioners. P&G has developed the new extra-strength deodorant on the back of statistics, claiming that 23 per cent of women currently classify themselves as 'heavy sweaters'.

Did you know that? (I'm wondering if the question was poorly worded and them women answering the question thought it meant if they "Owned Heavy Sweaters" and wore them when it's cold outside... but I'm not privy to their questionnaire so I'll take their word for it.. where were we?)

1 out of 5 women out there are apparently sweating like there's no tomorrow... I can't recall ever meeting a woman and thinking "Geez, did you just run a marathon?" Are these women living in colonies? Do they travel in packs? Where are you people??

>>Apparently there is a prescription deodorant! (It's called "Drysol".)

>>There is also a superstrong non prescription deodorant out there called "Maxim". (Not affiliated with the magazine in any way as far as I can tell...) Here's their TV Commercial...

3 points I'd like to make here...

>Clearly it's among the 10 worst acted commercials in television history....

>The guy apparently has only one shirt and tie to his name. Maybe the problem isn't excessive sweating... maybe the smell is related to the fact that he wears the same clothes Every Single Day of His Life....

>Note the Maxim animation both showing the areas of sweat and then magically removing it with... well, it looks like the animated guy is being beamed up to the Enterprise... but my point here is that it shows the areas of major sweat include not only the armpits, but the face and ankles and feet as well....

Are you supposed to put Maxim anti-persperant on your face??? On the bottoms of your feet????? Really?????? Let's find out by visiting their website...

(Visiting...)

And the answer is... Yes!!! You do apply it to your feet and face...

You apply it at night and it shrinks the sweat glands over time...

See how much you've learned about Excessive Sweating by visiting TVGuy!!??

(I don't mean to poke fun at people who suffer from what has to be just an awful condition to have... but rather the companies themselves who market these products in a less than effective way...)

And thus ends yet another "I Had No Idea"... join us again next time where we... umm... I'm not sure... you'll just have to wait won't you.... I promise it won't have anything to do with sweaty feet, okay?

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We here at TVGuy have always suspected that CNN's Larry King does little to no research at all for his interviews... and Jerry Seinfeld's appearance the other day did nothing to dissuade that opinion... it can be seen here... Honestly, isn't Mr. King one of the oddest looking men to ever appear on television? As well as the only living American who continues to utilize suspenders as a fashion accessory...

But any question about Mr. King's competence needs to be addressed after reading this exchange he had with Roseanne Barr on his show...

LARRY KING: On your blog you write, “Bush is going to declare war on China next, I swear.”
ROSEANNE BARR: I was so scared because I woke up and there was the Drudge, you know. I always read the Drudge Report and it said on there that the Chinese were like, you know, spying on our subs or doing something with our subs and I was like, “Oh no, he’s going to think that’s an act of war and then we’re going to go over there next.” I mean we’re everywhere. We’re everywhere.
KING: The Internet as a political medium viable?
BARR: Yes, it’s like the only one left, absolutely, and that’s not just me saying it. That’s everybody saying it.
KING: But there’s 80 billion things on it.
BARR: Yes, but if you know where to look, you know, it all can come together. When you’re looking for the particular information that you’re looking for after you do the big search, this is what I found out by going on there, it just takes your mind and then you live in there forever. You can never come out.
KING: I’ve never done it, never gone searching.
BARR: Oh, my God! It just opens up the whole universe. It’s so awesome. You would love it.
KING: No, I wouldn’t.
BARR: Anything you want to know.
KING: The wife loves it. I wouldn’t love it. What do you punch little buttons and things?
BARR: You just click on this thing. The thing is you got to be able to read, so you have to have strong glasses when you’ve over 50 and then you just scroll down and click. It’s not that hard. I can show you how to do it.
KING: No, thanks.

Yes Larry... you "Punch Little Buttons and Things"....

My. God.

I don't know which is worse... being completely clueless about life in the 21st century, or making Roseanne Barr seem like Stephen Hawking compared to yourself...

He makes about 7 million dollars a year working on CNN in primetime, and he's Never Used The Internet and Does No Research...

Let me help you out Larry... I'll just go to Google and type in "Overpaid Ridiculous Television Personalities"... you know.. by punching those things and buttons and stuff...

Until next time....

_______________________
Tucker Carlson: You asked John Kerry softball questions!
Jon Stewart: I didn’t realize – and maybe this explains quite a bit – that the news organizations look to Comedy Central for their cues on integrity. You are on CNN! The show that leads into me is puppets making prank phone calls!
--“Crossfire” (CNN)

memes ahoy...

More Aspeny goodness... no, I'm not sure "Aspeny" is a word either...

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I remember when I first starting blogging I had asked someone (I can't remember who) what posts I should try to address in the beginning... I remember that they said under no circumstance do people care about what music you like, what books you enjoy, what tv shows you watch.. etc...

Well, obviously being TVGuy I ignored the last comment but tried not to get into things that were overly subjective (like music) over the 2 years or so that we've been here...

...Until now...

I've received a few Musical Memes from time to time... I never fill them out because...

Well... what songs people like is pretty much the most subjective thing one can say about themselves... there are no wrong answers ever.. ( I accept that Prince, Barbra Streisand and Josh Groban are all supremely talented people, they just aren't my cup of tea.. now Britney Spears, I just don't accept...)

But whatever you put down is only going to have some people scratching their heads.... but after a bit of thought I decided to give it a go...

I modified it a bit but it was basically four questions asking what music was in my Ipod...

and thusly, we begin...


Question 1

10 Songs That Have Attained "Never Delete Under Any Circumstances Status" That You've Probably Heard...

(a.k.a. 10 of my 25 or so favorite songs from Mainstream Artists...)

...in no particular order

1. Bruce Springsteen, "Tunnel of Love"

2. Five for Fighting, "100 Years"

3. Indigo Girls, "Love's Recovery"

4. Peter Gabriel, "Secret World"

5. James Taylor, "Millworker"

--my favorite recording artist of all time is JT.... picking one song of his for this list is just basically impossible... but I'll go with this one just for argument's sake... and its not as well known as most of his hits...

6. Sarah MacLachlan, "Possession"

--If James is my Number One, then Sarah is my Number Two... although that sounded vaguely disgusting so let's move on...

7. Shawn Colvin, "I Don't Know Why"

8. Sheryl Crow, "Always On Your Side"

9. Tom Petty, "A Higher Place"

10. U2, "Pride" (In the Name of Love)

Honorable Mentions: Bruce Hornsby, "Swan Song" - The Verve, "Bitter Sweet Symphony" - Indigo Girls, "Hope Alone"

Question 2

10 Songs That Have Attained "Never Delete Under Any Circumstances Status" That You've Probably Never Ever Heard Of...

(a.k.a. 10 of my 25 or so favorite songs from Lesser Known Artists)

1. Beth Waters, "Blue and White"

2. Nicole Nordeman, "I Am"

3. Amanda Marshall, "Birmingham"

4. Josh Kelley, "Amen"

5. Jude Cole, "Raining on the Moon"

6. Chantal Kreviazuk, "Time"

7. Garrison Starr, "Sing"

8. Lisa Loeb, "Fools Like Me"

--yeah, she's better known than the rest on this list.. but I don't care because this song is quite good and I had to mention her somewhere...

9. Maren Ord, "Perfect"

10. Mindy Smith, "Raggedy Anne"

--yeah, she's a country music artist...kinda.. is she? maybe folk/pop? Hard to classify, but I don't care. I love almost every song on her debut album and she's amazing. And her 2nd album is just about as good.

Honorable Mentions: Umbrellas, "City Lights" - Bethany Dillon, "Beautiful" - Peter Bradley Adams, "Gather Up"


Question 3

Top Ten Artists Who Hog My Hard Drive

(a.k.a. Who appears most often in my Itunes folder, by number of songs... let's just say anyone who has 15 or more gets mentioned...why leave anyone behind is my motto...)

49 Shawn Colvin
48 Sarah McLachlan
47 James Taylor
33 Counting Crows
32 Five for Fighting
31 Bethany Dillon
30 W.G. Snuffy Walden
30 Nichole Nordeman
30 Indigo Girls
27 Michelle Branch
26 Beth Waters
24 Duncan Sheik
24 Jude Cole
24 John Jarvis
23 Jars of Clay
23 Peter Bradley Adams (Eastmountainsouth)
22 Mindy Smith
22 Maren Ord
20 John Mayer
19 Michelle Featherstone
17 Dave Matthews Band
17 Mannheim Steamroller
17 Alanis Morissette


Question 4

Top Ten Songs that Roast Your Chestnuts

(a.k.a. Favorite Christmas Songs)

Okay, before we go on, let me just say that even though I think (like my friend AudioSteve) that Mannheim Steamrollers' synthesizer Xmas music is just hard to listen to under the best of circumstances, I think that their Orchestral (or cleverly, "NonSynthesizer") Xmas music is arguably the greatest musical triumph of the past 2 decades.... yes, this category will be dominated by Chip Davis and his Nebraska collection of musical goofballs...


1. Mannheim Steamroller, "Cantique de Noel" (O Holy Night)

--Simply put, the best 5 minutes of music I've ever heard. Yep, Ever.

If Christmas was a person, this song would be its soul... (Wanted to see if I could write something so cheesy I wanted to cause myself harm... turns out the answer is "Yes"...)

Seriously though. Best. Christmas. Song. Ever. Well, maybe except...

2. Mannheim Steamroller, "Stille Nacht"

--the 2nd best 4 minutes of music I've ever heard. My admiration for Chip Davis' work is boundless... If Christmas had a twin brother, this song would be its soul. (Okay, I'll stop that now.. promise..)

3. Mannheim Steamroller, "Veni Veni"

--If Christmas had a dog, this song would.... okay, I'm really stopping now...

4. Mannheim Steamroller, "Traditions of Christmas"

5. Mannheim Steamroller, "The Holly and the Ivy"

6. James Taylor, "Who Comes This Night?"

7. James Taylor, "In The Bleak Mid-Winter"

--I love JT, and his Xmas album is just delightful....

8. Sarah McLachlan, "In The Bleak Mid-Winter"

--Same song. Different Artist. Both excellent.

9. Sarah McLachlan, "Wintersong"

10. She-Daisy, "Deck the Halls"

Umm.. Look, I know that She-Daisy is a country girl group... but dammit, their version of this song is really excellent. Well, at least I think so. TVGal backs me up as well... TVCat has no opinion because... well, he's a cat obviously....

(that is one odd name for a band by the way... it apparently means "little sister" in some Native American language.. and the group does have 3 sisters in it... so there.. you know, in case you were wondering...)

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While we are in "Meme Mode" here is one that returns the focus of the blog back to where it should be... yes, it's a TV meme...

1. Earliest remembered Television?

>>Definately the 1st Apollo Moon Landing... one small step indeed...

2. TV series you would want on a desert island

>>Well, I'm guessing not "Lost"... Hmm... probably the 9 seasons of "Seinfeld" because I'm guessing I'd need cheering up... you know.. being stranded and all...

3. TV that made you laugh

>>Not sure how to answer this... made me laugh but no longer does? Do they mean as a child? Is the answer "A Comedy"? Let's skip this and head to number 4 shall we?

4. TV that made you cry

>>Well this isn't any better. But clearly the recently cancelled "Viva Laughlin" fits the bill here... wait, it also made me laugh. Can I just answer everything "Viva Laughlin"? Let's see..