Revenge of the Planet of the Bikes

Ellie Caulkins Opera House

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Wow, touched a nerve with the last blog entry (now deleted.. god people have such fucking thin skins.. stay off the internet if you are worried about someone.. you know, disagreeing with you)

I posted a few paragraphs about bicyclists basically saying two things...

1. Skinny roads with parking on both sides are no place for bicyclists, and a large group of them don't obey basic traffic laws...
2. I think they look ridiculous in spandex with 817 corporate logos all over them.

After my 20th email today basically telling me to swallow concrete, floss with barbed wire, feed my tounge through a self-threading projector etc... I've decided to take the highlights from the various emailers (bicyclists) and defend myself.  This won't take long... I hope.

BikeGuy: Roads were paved originally for bicyclists, not cars.
TVGuy: Yes, and the Constitution originally valued Negros at 3/5ths of a person... Stuff changes.  Cars used to be 200 pounds and went 8 miles an hour (downhill).  Now there are 3.5 ton Hummers running around being driven by teenagers who are texting... My question is.. why do you even want to share the road with cars?? Are you crazy??

BikeGuy: Just as many drivers go through stop signs, red lights, etc..
TVGuy: That's just not true and you know it.  One day I sat at the bottom of a hill and watched a very busy bike day commence... in 5 minutes over 20... yes, twenty bicyclists didn't even brake, slow down or anything as they blew through the stop sign at warp drive.  I challenge anyone to find 20 cars a week that go through stop signs at 25 mph.  I can do this because you can't.  If that were true, it would be the Wild West... no one would drive.  (Which wouldn't be a horrible thing... you know I own a bike and have for the better part of four decades and enjoy riding it a great deal... right?)  Simply put, the percentage of bicyclists who disregard red lights and stop signs hovers around 35 percent by my limited count.  That is just horrible and you all know it.  For those of you who obey street laws, graci!  Your bike clubs, groups, etc... of course you are courteous.. but you know damn well which bicyclists suck and which ones don't... Talk to your fellow cyclists, won't you?  Because the police sure won't....

BikeGuy: We're saving the planet.... no fossil fuels.
TVGuy: Well, you aren't saving the Earth, but you are slowing down its death... if people don't stop having babies in multiples soon it isn't going to matter how green your office or home is.... but that's an issue for another day... but again, well done on not using gas... if I lived 5 minutes from work I'd bike over several times a week myself...

BikeGuy: Roads are for all vehicles.
TVGuy: By law, most are.. yes.  But in 2011, our city streets just aren't built for bikes and you know it.. how many bikes a year are almost clipped by opening doors from parked cars on both side of a street... no bike lane in sight... some streets are just safer than others...

BikeGuy: We deserve to go to Mt. Evans just like you do...
TVGuy: If you are going 1mph and you aren't single file, no you don't.  I don't drive on bike paths.  Why does every road have to be fine for both bikes and cars?  That road is barely wide enough for a Yugo...

BikeGuy: Wow, you must be some big hotshot fashion geek to rip on our clothing... what gives you the right?
TVGuy:  I'm sorry, the fact that I think you look ridiculous and make NASCAR drivers seem dull in comparison is my opinion.  You don't expect me to substitute your judgment for mine, do you?  Just because I think you look like a cartoon character doesn't make it so... this is a personal blog.  I don't get Lady Gaga either, hasn't slowed down the 75 gazillion dollars she's pocketed the last few years... why does everyone have to agree?  There are 10 billion people on this planet... you think they all think chocolate is better than vanilla?

And ultimately, about 34 people read this blog a day.... caring what I have to say about bicyclists is really just a waste of your time... It's my personal blog.  My viewpoints.  If you don't like them, there are 10 million other websites for you to peruse... but I still think many bicyclists (again, not ALL) look silly and don't pay attention to traffic lights or stop signs.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going for a bike ride.  (my t-shirt will be logo-free, thanks for asking...)

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Darnell: That's a cool moped, Randy. It's like a motorcycle had sex with a bicycle..
--"My Name is Earl" (NBC)