Princess Diaries...

Denver Skyline and City Park....

__________________

I just want to say at the outset... TVGal and I got married on a Friday.... it was our idea first...

Wow, it's early.  Late minute negotiations got me two extra hours of sleep in exchange for cooking breakfast... actually, since I do all the cooking anyway I think I was pretty shrewd there.. but it's still really damn early.... let's get this running diary started before I fall asleep....

Event: The Royal Wedding
Place: The New TVGuy Mansion (and England I suppose)
Date: April 29, 2011
Menu: Frittata, Hash Browns, Cinnamon Rolls

4:01pm - TVGal has decided to tape the BBC version of events and not Good Morning America or the Today Show or whatever the hell CBS calls their morning program... do they even still do one?

4:02 - We're 2 hours behind so the wedding is actually going on... it's possible TVGal could be looking forward to this more, but only if Matthew McConaghey was serving her tea in his underwear...

4:06 - William's hairline... wow.. poor fella... I think I have more hair on my knuckles than he's got up top...

4:10 - the Middleton family was certainly blessed in the DNA department...damn attractive family....

4:15 - The single greatest sentence I could have possibly heard uttered from TVGal just now.. "You know, it's five hours long.. why don't we skip ahead?" 

4:18 - Victoria Beckham is wearing the weirdest hat in the long sad history of women's headwear.... if she had hollowed out a pumpkin and placed her head in it I'd be less stunned.

4:19 - My glee at TVGal's earlier comment is now tempered by David Beckham's appearance on our television and the subsequent heavy sigh she just uttered... there may be drool as well but I can't tell because the sun isn't up yet....

4:31 - Wow, apparently it's not just Ms. Beckham... the word "England" apparently translates roughly into "Land of Abhorrent Head Coverings"... yikes!  Some of these people apparently don't own mirrors in their homes...

4:35 - The wedding party begins the drive to the church.... TVGal just clapped.  I'm not making that up before you ask btw...

4:41 - Our beloved TVCat passed away some weeks ago... I'm kinda sad that he isn't here to, as always, completely be indifferent to whatever was on TV at all times... It would be nice to have some support in the "Why Am I Up So Damn Early On A Friday" camp.... the search for the new TVCat has quietly begun... don't think I can take your mind off of the wedding for a second?  Meet Chili...

4:45 - The Prince of Orange just arrived.  I couldn't have enjoyed typing that sentence more... Apparently there is a Principality of Orange... southern France as it turns out... oh wait, the Earl of Raspberry just arrived... and the Duke of Pear!  Okay, now I'm making things up...

4:53 - Kinda glad the groomsmen at my wedding weren't carrying swords... nothing says romance so much as weapons, no?

5:00 - Princess Alexandra is being escorted into the church by the Gorton's Fisherman... who wants fish & chips? Anyone?

5:03 - Coffee decision time... Strawberry Shortcake or Toasted Almond?  TVGal is letting me decide.. hmm...

5:05 - Is anybody in England other than the press working today? Anybody?

5:07 - Strawberry Shortcake it is... thanks Dunkin Donuts! (A friend on Facebook yesterday said she had "Wedding Donuts"... not entirely sure what that is, but it sounds good, right?)

5:09 - Prince Charles just wiped his nose and then began shaking hands.... ick.  Purel, anyone?

5:11 - An Emergency Broadcasting Test Signal just went across our screens.. we couldn't have done that at Midnight fellas? Really??

5:14 - Wait, by watching this wedding are we now obligated to get them a gift?  Crap... where are they registered?

5:20 - I don't want to say our new coffeemaker is loud, but if you set it down by a raging river all you'd hear would be a brew cycle.  Seriously Krups, what is going on in there?  It's just water passing through a filter... it isn't generating electricity.. you know.. er.. hydroelectrically!  (I hope that's a word...checking... and no, I've made it up apparently... wait, that can be my wedding present.. a new word!  In related news, I've never been sleepier in my entire life...)

5:23 - Damn fine coffee.

5:30 - Hey, it's the sunrise!  First one I've seen at the new TVGuy Mansion... I'd take a picture and share it with you all, but since you are all asleep and I'm massively jealous of that fact you'll just have to take my word for it that the sun, is in fact, up.

5:39 - The wedding dress meets with TVGal's approval... I can't stand full veils, but hey, it's their wedding... in related news, who knew Kate's sister was.. well, really hot?  Killer dress...

5:45 - The Brits certainly know how to throw a wedding... that church is just great... and the children's choir, trumpets, flowergirls... TVGal is actually radiating glee...

5:51 - The Royal Family wouldn't mind if I baked some cinnamon rolls during the vows, would they?  Not sure if I'm breaking some sort of protocol here, but I invited Pillsbury to this party and dammit, rolls there will be...

5:55 - Just got through the "If Anyone Has Anything They'd Like To Say To Stop The Wedding, Now's The Time" Moment... what if she had just lost it there, and ran screaming from the church... would the country ever recover?  The wedding in my head is going a bit differently I'll admit...

5:57 - I just realized I'd never heard either of these crazy kids speak before... their voices are very.. normal.  I was hoping for something more...

5:59 - I'm sure there have been 4,912 people working on every little detail of this wedding for months now... but in the future let's not forget the minister's eyebrow trimming shall we?  Wow...

6:17 - Actual conversation moments ago.

TVGal: (during Kate's brother beginning a reading) Wow, he's not attractive.
TVGuy: What are you talking about, he looks like a normal British man.
TVGal: And bad teeth to boot!
TVGuy: Again, with the British.
TVGal: Fergie's kids are so plump!
TVGuy: If I jumped from our rooftop deck right now you wouldn't call an ambulance until you finished watching this, right?

6:19 - I don't want to say the DVR has changed our tv habits forever, but TVGal is actually fast-forwarding during the ceremony!!  (Wait, why am I complaining about this?)

6:30 - There should be more foods with cinnamon in them... I'd like to make that a formal request if you please....

6:35 - Is it wrong to say we are enjoying the procession back to the palace more than the actual wedding?  (but not as much as the cinnamon rolls)

6:55 - Frittata prep well underway... Ham, red bell pepper, mushroom, fresh parsley and parmesan cheese...

7:10 - The frittata was a runaway success... we've switched over to the American coverage, and during the ceremony Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters chattered on and on over the ceremony.. know when to shut the hell up ladies... glad we went with the BBC...

7:12 - TVGal has taken the day off today, but I'm not so lucky... time to toddle off... and if you're just waking up now I'd just like to say... I hate you right now.

Cheerio!

_______________________
Charles: My job today is to talk about Angus. There are no skeletons in his cupboard. Or so I thought. I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. I am, as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment that Angus and Laura have made today. I know I couldn't do it and I think it's wonderful they can. So, back to Angus and those sheep...
--"Four Weddings and a Funeral" (1994)