Denver Botanic Gardens at Chatfield a few years ago....
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A few years back I whined about Apple and their incredibly shitty customer service...
http://www.denvertvguy.com/2007/12/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do.html (if you wish to relive the agony)
I did end up replacing my Apple computer with another Apple computer.. but I haven't been in an Apple Store in a good long while and I'd like to keep it that way...
Unfortunately, Verizon Wireless has copied the Apple Store "Customer Queue" where instead of helping you when you walk in the store you get to wait a half hour for the privilege of speaking to someone...
This week I stopped by to replace my new phone (it locks up about 3 times a week...) and was hoping that I could get in and out of there relatively quickly... as always, I was wrong..
Below is my experience with ZERO embellishment....
10:51am: Park car in Verizon Parking Lot and happily notice that there are many empty spaces, which means this should be quick...
10:52am: Walk into store (a VW employee opened the door for me and asked if he could help me... I thought that was odd as I am not a 90-year-old 4'9" German Immigrant Woman and have been able to open my own doors for quite some time now... either that, or he thought we were on a date... anyway...)
10:52:30am: Another woman asks me why I'm there..
VW Woman: Does your phone have insurance?
TVGuy: Insurance?
VW Woman: Yes, why don't you call this number and find out if it has insurance?
TVGuy: Why would I need insurance to replace the phone? I've had it 3 weeks.
VW Woman: Oh, then you don't need insurance.
TVGuy: The first thing I said to you is "I've had this phone 3 weeks".
VW Woman: Yes, so you don't need insurance.
______________________
TVGuy: (thinking about strangling her then and there). Got it.
VW Woman: It will be about 5 minutes.
TVGuy: (looks around store and sees about 8 customers and 23 VW employees.... one family looks like they've on CBS' "Survivor" for about 23 days.. their eyes are glazed over and they are barely moving.. they may be wax statues for all I know... they are next to a monitor that lists 9 people on a wait list. My name makes the number 10 spot, despite the fact that there are only about 5 people waiting for help.)
VW Woman: Why not look around and we'll call you when you are ready..
TVGuy: Fine, but it's going to be more like 30 minutes, right?
VW Woman: No, about 5.
TVGuy: (looks at monitor with 10 names on it) So you'll be helping each person in 30 second intervals? I mean, you're lying to me right now, you realize that, right?
VW Woman: (turns and walks away)
11:02am: We've hit the 10 minute mark and I'm now number 9 on the list... at this rate I'm going to have to go the mall and get a sleeping bag when I'm finally helped in late January...
11:04am: A couple walks in and gives their name to a new "Holds Door Open and Little Else" Guy.... he tells them it will be 10 minutes...
11:04:20am: (interrupting)
TVGuy: Umm, I've been here 10 minutes and I've moved up one spot in the queue.. it is physically impossible at this point for them to be waited on in ten minutes...
VW Guy: No, about 10 minutes, probably sooner....
TVGuy: I'll bet you my car that it will be at least 20..
VW Guy: (turns and goes to open door for someone)
11::12am: I'm now 7th on the list.. 20 minutes and counting..... isn't this the worst possible business model, I don't know... EVER? What other store has you come in and then ignore you for half an hour... Seriously??? There are 4 VW employees for every one customer... and yet I'm probably going to have to shave before I get out of here...
11:20am: 5th on the list, 28 minutes in.. I'm told by a VW employee that I can "look around and browse our store while I wait"...
TVGuy: Just with a quick glance I see that you have 8 phones to look at, and some phone accessories. That's it. Am I missing something? Are there magazines somewhere? Snacks?
VWGal: Well, you can play with other phones and test out all our new models and features!
TVGuy: But I just bought this phone 3 weeks ago.
VWGal: Well, I guess then you are familiar with smartphones, correct?
TVGuy: (holding a smartphone in my hand). Yes, in so much as they don't all work that well.
VWGal: Well you should get a replacement then!
TVGuy: (committing murder in my minds eye) Terrific idea, I think I should first stop by my local Verizon Wireless store and make an appointment!
VWGal: Great! (turns and walks away)
Look, I realize that High Schools aren't turning out Nobel Laureates by the dozen, but do people even have to fill out job applications anymore? What was that woman's qualification list? Opposable thumbs? No prehensile tail? Who isn't getting hired by Verizon Wireless these days?
11:28am: 37 minutes in, I'm third on the list.. the original woman who told me "5 minutes" won't even look me in the eyes... someone call my wife and tell her I love her... I may never leave this place...
11:31am: A guy comes over to me and starts talking... he is wearing a leather jacket and no Verizon Wireless logos, badges, IDs of any kind...
Random Guy: So how can I help you?
TVGuy: Do you even work here?
Random Guy: Yes, yes I do.
TVGuy: (explains for the fourth time to a third person calmly and patiently the "problem")
Random Guy: Someone will be right with you.. (walks away)
TVGuy: (flummoxed and dumbfounded) But..er.. uh.. umm.. come back... please, come back...
11:33am: Another Random Guy comes by...
Random Guy: How can I help you?
TVGuy: I may weep if I tell you my problem then you walk away... I'm just warning you.
Random Guy: (puzzled) Why would you weep?
TVGuy: (goes into long rant about how utterly pathetic and ridiculous the current business model for Verizon Wireless is, what I've done in my 35 minutes, etc etc etc...)
Random Guy: Well, we've hit our holiday season starting today! No way I can plan that!
TVGuy: Today is December 9th. Your holiday season begins December 9th???
Random Guy: Apparently so!
TVGuy: Many, if not all businesses this time of year hire seasonal employees...
Random Guy: Well, I've done that!
TVGuy: Really, explain 35 minutes (and counting) for me to exchange my phone then. I mean, this guy (points to "Open The Door Guy") seemingly has the job to actually open the door for customers.. it's been my experience that people, when coming up to a closed door at a business, actually reach their arms out and open the doors, you know, for themselves... who is that helping? What time is being saved there? Why on God's Green Earth can't he be actually helping people?
Random Guy: Well, those are temporary employees that are hired by another company.
TVGuy: (stunned) So, you hire out a company to hire out temp employees to help you, you know, open doors for people....
Random Guy: In a nutshell, yes. Also, when people leave with their arms full it helps a lot to have the door opened for them...
TVGuy: (still stunned) Arms full? With what, PHONES? You do know the average phone weighs less than a candy bar, right??????
Random Guy: People appreciate having the door opened for you, what can I say? (walks away)
11:37am: 45 minutes in, a guy comes over and takes me to a computer monitor, where he asks me several questions that I'm answering for the fifth time.. after setting up a replacement to be mailed to my house (and I have to Fed Ex phone back within ten days, or else...) he gives me a business card....
VW Guy: And here's my card if you have any problems with your new phone....
TVGuy: Is this your direct number?
VW Guy: No, that's the number for the store...
TVGuy: But if I came in and asked for you you'd see me right away?
VW Guy: No, you'd have to go into the queue.
TVGuy: Then explain to me why you gave me this card again?
VW Guy: Good point I guess.... no real reason.
As I walk out the store at 11:44am I glare at the "It'll Be Five Minutes" woman and then glare at the temp employee who holds the door open for me.... To be fair, I did have 2 pieces of paper in my hand at the time... I did appear helpless to the young man..
Whatever you do this holiday season, do NOT go into a Verizon Wireless store...
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lay down in traffic....
House: Oh I get it. You're trying to get me to prove you wrong, then I'm going to be nice to my patients through the Holiday Season. And then Mr. Potter won't steal Tiny Tim's portridge. I'm totally on it...
--"House" (FOX)
1 comments:
The on phone Verizon customer service is just as bad. My 82 year old mother has Verizon phone. She has the "Senior" plan, so you't think they would be more helpful? No. She lives on the Canadian border so she kept getting charged for international roaming when the cell towers in Canada picked up her call. It took three calls to get that corrected. Then she started getting dinged $20 per month for premium horoscope texts that she never signed up for. She's never sent or received a text in her life! Took two calls to get text turned off. I finally got it. Even though the first call should have corrected the problem, they were making money on the roaming and premium text. That's why the somehow fail to correct it. They suck.
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