Hot Air Balloon Interior from last weekend.....
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I'm going to take a position here that I realize might be unpopular.. hell, WILL be unpopular... but I don't care... I have to say it, and today seems like the right day....
America Loves Oprah.
TVGuy Loathes Oprah.
Why you ask? I'm happy to tell you... but to get there I have to compare her to a coroner.. which is going to be weird but stay with me...
Despite the TV Show "Quincy" back in the day I think we can all agree that being a coroner is a pretty brutal job.. we've all seen the "Vote for Candidate X for Coroner" signs about when it's an election year... and if you're anything like me you think "wait, Coroner is an elected office?"
What, do they promise the voters that some of these corpses they'll bring back to life? I mean, even if you screw up the job, the guy's still dead, right? Ultimately couldn't this job be performed by robots or chimpanzees?
"Hey, TVGuy, what does this have to do with Oprah Winfrey"??????
Bear with me...
I was at the airport the other day and saw this guy waiting to get on the same plane as me...
yeah, I took his picture... sue me...
Anyway, he's wearing a hat with the word "coroner" on it about 8 times.. is he trying to pick up women? Impress people? Start random conversations? (Perhaps the fact that he was reading a novelization of the Will Smith film "I, Robot" and laughing to himself answers that question better than we ever could...)
Anyway, I liken Ms. Winfrey to this job.... utterly average in every way, yet lauded for no reason by the American Public...
This week Oprah is kicking off her "My Last year doing my syndicated Show!" extravaganza...
We are supposed to bow to her as we see FOR THE LAST TIME her shows with her "best friend" Gayle King, giving crap to the studio audience, performing fellatio to various celebrities and whatever other shit she decides to fill the year with (guessing some edited "best of" segments will be almost a daily feature...)
But can I halt this train for just one second and present my opinion? I mean, it's America right? Jefferson and Washington kicked some ass so I could type into a keyboard hundreds of years later and say what I thought, right?
And so, I say this..
1. Oprah isn't dying. She doesn't have cancer, AIDS, Whooping Cough or any other malady other than the ability to have weight gain swings larger than that of a cargo ship being unloaded and loaded daily....
2. After this year is over she'll still have her magazine which debuted in the year 2000 and has since then featured her ON EVERY SINGLE COVER IT HAS EVER PUBLISHED... sorry, that amount of ego may not have been seen by any human being ever... seriously, can you name any other magazine that the publisher appears on the cover of????? And not just that, BUT EVERY SINGLE ONE???? I can't eat enough to throw up as much as I want to at this point....
3. After her show is over she is launching HER OWN TELEVISION NETWORK CALLED THE OPRAH WINFREY NETWORK..... you think she's not showing up on this thing on a weekly basis at some point?? Really??
My point is.. she's worth 2.4 billion dollars... can we hold off on the "Oh My God, she's Leaving Us After This Year We Need To Praise Her Endlessly Every Second of 2010/2011!!!!!!" bullshit??
If you want worship her... fine.. just wait until she erects her own statue in Chicago 3 years from now...
It's easy to donate money to causes when you have 2 billion dollars..I'd just feel a lot better about it if there didn't have to be a camera and makeup staff crew there every time she did it...
Shawn: Dad, I don't know if you just read "The Secret" or watched an emotional "Oprah" or what, but I don't think we're ready to open our souls to each other...
--"Psych" (USA)
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