Back to the Guanella Pass Autumn series for awhile... this was taken in September just South of Georgetown, Colorado...
______
I'm off work on Sundays and Mondays during the Fall & Winter... and in the months of January & February finding things to do on a Sunday is a bit difficult compared to the Summer mentality of "Let's go to the Mountains" each weekend...
Yesterday TVGal and I decided to head up to Boulder, have breakfast and then pop in to the Celestial Seasonings Factory Free Tour... it's not that we find the corporate manufacturing process particularly fascinating... it's just we had talked about doing it intermittently for years and decided to scratch it off the list once and for all...
The day started out with a simply delicious breakfast... killer biscuits and gravy, excellent green chile and "Soho Hashbrowns" which were delectable...
The restaurant was on the 2nd floor of a hotel... as we passed through the front door we heard some music being played.. and not over the loudspeaker as you'd find in virtually every hotel/motel in our country... no, this was a guy sitting in the hotel lobby with all this equipment...
He was playing something you'd find perhaps on a 1997 New Age Sampler CD... he was technically proficient, but it was still a bit jarring...
Once we got up into the restaurant I had to ask the wait staff what the deal was with Zamfir downstairs... they laughed and said that he was the Front Desk Clerk, and he just stayed in the lobby all day and played his guitar while living in the parking lot in an RV...
Yes, that all sounds pretty good doesn't it? Here's his "home"...
(Yet another American High School Guidance Counselor Success Story!!)
Puzzled, we left our breakfast nook and headed to the Tea Factory.... it all seemed pretty good from the outside, and once nestled in the warm inviting lobby we happily sampled some free beverages while awaiting our tour's starting time...
Whilst walking around the lobby there were various photos and descriptions on displays proudly extolling the virtuous path the tea manufacturer had navigated 'lo these many years...
(Let's be honest here... the folks at Celestial Seasonings are a little full of themselves... especially for people who basically.. you know, flavor water....)
Several times the "Blendmaster" was mentioned in hushed, revered tones... apparently he has greater powers than mere mortals, able to take special, magical herbs and spices and transform them into works of beverage art...
I have a picture of this "Blendmaster", who works tirelessly to bring you only the finest of ingredients using Space-Age Technology to create exotic blends of teas designed to delight both young and old!
(Well, okay, he's basically a guy who pours stuff in a bowl...)
Once noon arrived we were guided to the "Theater" where we watched an excruciating 15 minute corporate video where the CEO of the Haim Group talked about the products they sold ad nauseum.... (they had merged with Celestial Seasonings in the past few years... now known as the clunky "Haim Celestial Group"... a fact that was mentioned about 38 times in the next 8 minutes...)
Various shots of workers in fields around the world harvesting ingredients were compiled... the sweeping music and beautiful vistas did nothing to remove the thought from my head that they were all earning about six cents an hour....
Once that finished, we were whisked away to the beginning of the actual tour... TVGal and I hoped that the event would begin to entertain, inform and delight us through a magical, "Willy Wonka" type world in which the hopes and dreams of a small Tea Producing Factory would shine through in a... er.. uh..
God, who am I kidding... it was 20 minutes stretched into what felt like a lifetime of torture, misery and terror...
Our tour guide led us into the factory where we all stood inside a painted yellow box on the floor surrounded by large containers of tea while she told us some tea manufacturing facts... she passed around a bowl that had some tea in it.. we all looked at it, nodded, then passed it to the person next to us with a look on our faces that basically said "Lord, is there a way to get out of this place unnoticed?"
(TVGal several times stated that we could "Make A Break For It"... in fact, the bulk of the tour was basically the two of us staring at each other trying not to break out into laughter... we were only moderately successful on that score...)
We were then led to another room where there was, in fact, yet more tea in large containers... she then talked about tea some more.. and more... and more...
Not helping in speeding this up was a woman (who I've affectionately nicknamed "Helga") who asked about 3,842 questions... each one more stupefyingly ridiculous than the last... the real gem was "What's the difference between Caffeinated Tea and Decaffeinated Tea?"
(Well, okay, he's basically a guy who pours stuff in a bowl...)
Once noon arrived we were guided to the "Theater" where we watched an excruciating 15 minute corporate video where the CEO of the Haim Group talked about the products they sold ad nauseum.... (they had merged with Celestial Seasonings in the past few years... now known as the clunky "Haim Celestial Group"... a fact that was mentioned about 38 times in the next 8 minutes...)
Various shots of workers in fields around the world harvesting ingredients were compiled... the sweeping music and beautiful vistas did nothing to remove the thought from my head that they were all earning about six cents an hour....
Once that finished, we were whisked away to the beginning of the actual tour... TVGal and I hoped that the event would begin to entertain, inform and delight us through a magical, "Willy Wonka" type world in which the hopes and dreams of a small Tea Producing Factory would shine through in a... er.. uh..
God, who am I kidding... it was 20 minutes stretched into what felt like a lifetime of torture, misery and terror...
Our tour guide led us into the factory where we all stood inside a painted yellow box on the floor surrounded by large containers of tea while she told us some tea manufacturing facts... she passed around a bowl that had some tea in it.. we all looked at it, nodded, then passed it to the person next to us with a look on our faces that basically said "Lord, is there a way to get out of this place unnoticed?"
(TVGal several times stated that we could "Make A Break For It"... in fact, the bulk of the tour was basically the two of us staring at each other trying not to break out into laughter... we were only moderately successful on that score...)
We were then led to another room where there was, in fact, yet more tea in large containers... she then talked about tea some more.. and more... and more...
Not helping in speeding this up was a woman (who I've affectionately nicknamed "Helga") who asked about 3,842 questions... each one more stupefyingly ridiculous than the last... the real gem was "What's the difference between Caffeinated Tea and Decaffeinated Tea?"
(Gee, I don't know... caffeine???????????)
That question brought up the day's most unlikely sentence as our tour host, a 22 year old perky Boulder gal tastefully named Megan, replied thusly...
"Well, let me tell you about my favorite part of the Decaffeination Process"...
You could feel the entire group sigh en masse... and while we're talking about this... here's a helpful TVGuy Hint for all of you who go on tours of factories, monuments, whatever...
Whenever the host asks "Are there any questions?" the polite thing to do is to shut up and hold your question, if you have one, until after the tour is over... be considerate to your fellow members of your touring posse... and don't ask things like Helga such as "Where does Tea come from?" and "Can you drink Tea every day?"... argh...
Things were looking up however when we were escorted to "The Mint Room"...
The way our tour guide talked about "The Mint Room" we all thought were going into some sort of magical kingdom filled with delights designed to astound all who enter...
As it turns out, "The Mint Room" had two, and only two characteristics about it... I'll give you a moment and see if you can guess what they were....
(pausing...)
Ready? Okay, here we go...
1. The room had tea in large containers.
2. It smelled like Mint.
(Factory Tours.. Feel The Excitement!)
After 3-4 minutes of watching people walking around the small room and.. you know.. smelling... we then proceeded to the actual processing facility... which was filled with conveyer belts, machines, "robotic palletizers" and much much more!
Unfortunately, it was Sunday, so none of this was operating... which leads me to the question of the hour...
Q: What's less interesting than watching tea bags be placed into boxes by machines?
A: Yep, talking about tea placed into boxes by machines!
After our tea hostess finished talking about the machines and their propensity to place tea bags into boxes we moved to the very end of the tour where she showed us a smaller series of machines designed to place tea bags into boxes... yes, the magic was flowing!
Shockingly the tour ended with us being led through... the gift shop! Where you could buy... you know... tea bags that had been placed into boxes by machines!
We quickly escaped with our very lives and went home...
My point here is... if you're in Boulder and you're thinking about taking the Celestial Seasonings tour...
Think Again.
(Today's blog entry, while being a bit cruel towards the tour, does not in any way diminish our love for the actual products... there are currently over a dozen Celestial Seasonings boxes of tea in our kitchen cabinet... each one delicious... and they make a fine coffee as well... so drink all the tea you want... just don't talk about the tea.. okay? Thanks...)
____________________
Andy: Five of us transferred from Stamford. There's two of us left - me and Karen. It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I'm not falling in a chocolate river....
--"The Office" (NBC)
That question brought up the day's most unlikely sentence as our tour host, a 22 year old perky Boulder gal tastefully named Megan, replied thusly...
"Well, let me tell you about my favorite part of the Decaffeination Process"...
You could feel the entire group sigh en masse... and while we're talking about this... here's a helpful TVGuy Hint for all of you who go on tours of factories, monuments, whatever...
Whenever the host asks "Are there any questions?" the polite thing to do is to shut up and hold your question, if you have one, until after the tour is over... be considerate to your fellow members of your touring posse... and don't ask things like Helga such as "Where does Tea come from?" and "Can you drink Tea every day?"... argh...
Things were looking up however when we were escorted to "The Mint Room"...
The way our tour guide talked about "The Mint Room" we all thought were going into some sort of magical kingdom filled with delights designed to astound all who enter...
As it turns out, "The Mint Room" had two, and only two characteristics about it... I'll give you a moment and see if you can guess what they were....
(pausing...)
Ready? Okay, here we go...
1. The room had tea in large containers.
2. It smelled like Mint.
(Factory Tours.. Feel The Excitement!)
After 3-4 minutes of watching people walking around the small room and.. you know.. smelling... we then proceeded to the actual processing facility... which was filled with conveyer belts, machines, "robotic palletizers" and much much more!
Unfortunately, it was Sunday, so none of this was operating... which leads me to the question of the hour...
Q: What's less interesting than watching tea bags be placed into boxes by machines?
A: Yep, talking about tea placed into boxes by machines!
After our tea hostess finished talking about the machines and their propensity to place tea bags into boxes we moved to the very end of the tour where she showed us a smaller series of machines designed to place tea bags into boxes... yes, the magic was flowing!
Shockingly the tour ended with us being led through... the gift shop! Where you could buy... you know... tea bags that had been placed into boxes by machines!
We quickly escaped with our very lives and went home...
My point here is... if you're in Boulder and you're thinking about taking the Celestial Seasonings tour...
Think Again.
(Today's blog entry, while being a bit cruel towards the tour, does not in any way diminish our love for the actual products... there are currently over a dozen Celestial Seasonings boxes of tea in our kitchen cabinet... each one delicious... and they make a fine coffee as well... so drink all the tea you want... just don't talk about the tea.. okay? Thanks...)
____________________
Andy: Five of us transferred from Stamford. There's two of us left - me and Karen. It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I'm not falling in a chocolate river....
--"The Office" (NBC)
3 comments:
Tour sounds like it was tea time....but i LOVE that pic at the top of your blog today!!!!!
I will only resort to this Celestial Seasonings tour if the Mork & Mindy Museum is closed.
There is a Mork & Mindy Museum, right? They're the pride of Boulder, I would imagine.
Indeed a great photo--almost pastoral...
Loved the Celestial tour--although it appears the legendary Blendmaster was less Willy Wonka and more the Wizard of Oz once you looked behind the curtain!
Post a Comment