A shot near our house of downtown Denver during Sunrise... I like the "hole" that appears in one of the buildings.... even though I don't really know what caused that effect... Invesco Field is on the right...
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I got a few emails about our header up top on the blog so I thought I'd explain Monday's Live Running Diary...
We are watching two horrific films back-to-back and commenting on them as we watch them.. which means the blog will be added to every few minutes... will it be entertaining? Who the hell knows... but if you're at work and need time to kill, stop in every so often on Monday and join us as we suffer through two just brutal films and mock them and ourselves for watching them... at least the food and drink will be good... and afterwards I get to go watch my beloved Cardinals play the Rockies that evening at Coors Field.. so as days go, this one won't suck...
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This logo was on a t-shirt the other day that made me laugh incredibly hard... I hope you enjoy it as much as I did...
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Since it's the beginning of Summer Movie Season today I've decided to bring back our look at new releases on Fridays.... and the first "Summer Movie" looks to be especially promising....
New in Theaters This Week
>>"Iron Man" (Robert Downey, Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow); A superhero movie that looks pretty good to me judging from the commercials etc... and the critics are especially kind so far... this will be the first movie I've gone to a theater to see in quite awhile.. but I'll wait til a Monday late show to catch it and avoid the billions of kids there this weekend....
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 95
Metacritic: 80
>>"Made of Honor" (Patrick Dempsey, Bridget Monaghan); wow.. this movie looks terrible! I'm not even sure I'd see this on a Bad Movie Monday event here at the Mansion... and yet, bad romantic comedies seem to end up in our Netflix queue and TVGal and I start to watch them and then for the 90 minutes or so the film unspools in front of our eyes we both silently pray the other person will ask to stop the movie but we never do and then after it's over we both hate ourselves....
...just sayin....
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 07
Metacritic: 37
New on DVD This Week
>>"The Golden Compass" (Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig); It's a fantasy movie based on a series of well-liked children's books... yeah, hardly any of those films around lately...
This got me thinking though... I've not seen the 2nd or 3rd "Pirates of the Caribbean" films, Parts 2 and 3 of the "Shrek" Trilogy... the "Narnia" film... or the last "Harry Potter" movie... I've really been a bit of a slacker the past couple of years as it turns out when it comes to big blockbustery moviemaking....
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 42
Metacritic: 47
>>"27 Dresses" (Katherine Heigl, James Marsden); I'm sure I could predict every single event that happens in this film before it does.. but maybe it won't be as bad I think... maybe....
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 39
Metacritic: 51
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A tour through the Animal Kingdom here today at TVGuy....
First up.. Sharks!
There have been a few Great White Shark attacks in the news recently.... and these helpful hints from Slate.com were on their site the other day... I swear I'm not making these up....
Slate.com: Shark attack experts suggest punching a shark only as a last resort.
TVGuy: How does one get to be a "shark attack expert" by the way? Is there a school for this? I'm guessing that's a pretty crappy Internship, no?
(early one morning at Bob's "Shark World"....)
Teacher: Okay, now get in the Shark Tank...
Intern: Umm.. I don't think so...
Teacher: Trust me, that shark won't bother you in the least...
Intern: Really?
Teacher: Of course.. I'm an "expert"...
Intern: Well.. if you say it's okay.. (lowers self down ladder into tank)
Shark: Yes! Another one! (swims eagerly towards ladder)
Intern: Oh my god, it's coming towards me!
Teacher: Just make sure you punch it in the snout!
Intern: AAAIIEEEE! GlubglubaaieeeArrrghGlub
Shark: Delicious! I love "Intern Week"!
Teacher: Wow... she wasn't very good... hmm... where did I put that mop?
Shark: Munchmunchmunch
(Sorry.. where were we again?)
Slate.com: Rapid retreat tends to be a better plan.
TVGuy: Look, I'm pretty sure the shark is going to be a hell of a lot more "rapid" than me... you know... IN THE FREAKIN' WATER WHERE IT LIVES AND SWIMS REALLY FAST WITH ITS GIANT FINS AND TAIL AND CAN MOVE ABOUT EIGHT THOUSAND TIMES FASTER THAN I CAN YOU KNOW?!?
Slate.com: It won't help to play dead if a shark has you cornered.
TVGuy: "Cornered"? In the ocean??! Is this a Square Ocean? Are there Right Angles in the Pacific?
Slate.com: Instead, a smack to the face or snout - where sharks, like humans, have a high concentration of sensory receptors - can stun your attacker and give you enough time to escape.
TVGuy: This sounds like advice from someone who really hasn't been around.. you know.. an actual shark.... maybe I could yell at it... or wave my hands really fast in a threatening manner.. or talk in a deep, scary voice.... are sharks ticklish? Is that a strategy I could employ? What about hypnosis?!
But the best advice was this....
Slate.com: When a shark has you in its jaws, try poking at its eyes or gills...
TVGuy: Wow.. that's kind of like the airlines telling you in the event of cabin decompression to calmly and carefully place that Parkay Margarine Cup with the rubber band attached over your mouth slowly and calmly as your plane spirals hopelessly into the ground at about 900 miles per hour... as if you could do anything "calmly" at that point...
If you are in the jaws of a shark, WOULD YOU CALMLY "TRY" POKING AT ITS EYES?
Of course not! It would be about the worst experience you could face as a human being.. would you be able to take even one second and think about your surroundings?!? No!!! You're in the jaws of a giant white shark that is about to cut you in half... could you possibly act rationally at this time?
In fact that might have been the most ridiculous yet horrifying sentence ever written... "when a shark has you in its jaws"... I mean, honestly? What's worse than that?
"Hmm.. this is quite a predicament I find myself in... what did that helpful internet article say to do again? Let's see...."
Helpful advice?
No.
Advice for these scenarios is just ridiculous...
"If you're on fire, try to find water!"
Please...
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Next up: Leopards!
My friend Adam at work had some Leopard Trivia to share yesterday.... (don't ask.. I didn't...)
Apparently, the Leopard not only kills its prey, but then drags the carcass up to the top of a tree where it keeps it to snack on later...
Which is just an awful mental image and I wish I'd never thought of seeing a tree filled with Leopard snacks... but I also found out later that Leopards are pretty much the only other animal other than man to kill for sport.
Unfortunately, this was the example on the website I was perusing....
Just to put that into perspective, imagine Mike Tyson carrying another Tyson up a tree holding on only with his teeth....
yep, just wanted to share that thought with you....
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This leaves us with our friends, the Bears...
This headline was furnished to me by my coworker LDL last week...
"Bear in Deadly Attack Gave No Warning"
That is awesome! What warning would the bear normally give?
Bear: "Umm.. excuse me... but I'm just really sick and tired of you patronizing me with your tiny fish that you parcel out as treats when I do something you want and I've been thinking about ripping your throat out with my teeth and frolicking in your blood.... how's that sound there My Fleshy Human Prey??"
or maybe just "Roarrrrr"... or "Grrrrr"... do bears say "Grrrrr"? Hmmm... probably not...
Either way... why would it give a warning? People... it's a Freakin' Bear!
Here with more is the good folks from your Associated Press...
BIG BEAR LAKE, Calif. (AP) -- The grizzly bear that wrestled Will Ferrell's character in the recent film "Semi-Pro" seemed to obediently follow cues which made its killing of its trainer with a bite to the neck all the more stunning.
TVGuy: It was a famous bear to boot.. which makes this all the more sad... yet another troubled celebrity... first Britney, now this....
Three experienced handlers were working with the grizzly Tuesday at the Predators in Action wild animal training center when the bear attacked Stephan Miller, 39, said San Bernardino County sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Beavers.
TVGuy: Now that's a great name.. "Cindy Beavers"... wow... how many jokes has she heard in her lifetime? Is that her maiden name? She couldn't have married into the Beaver family, could she? No way you're changing your name to Cindy Beavers...
Stephan Miller is the cousin of training center owner Randy Miller, she said.
TVGuy: It's never the management that suffers.. always the employees....
Pepper spray was used to subdue and contain the bear, and there were no other injuries, Beavers said. Paramedics arriving shortly after the initial emergency call around 3 p.m. were unable to revive Stephan Miller.
TVGuy: I think "having throat ripped out violently by giant bear" pretty much is all the injury we need to dwell on here...
The state Department of Fish and Game and Occupational Safety and Health Administration were investigating the incident.
TVGuy: That's a lot of responsibilities for just one Department... I mean, they've got to worry about Fish, Game, Safety and Health?!? That is one full plate for those folks... Heck, I'm happy if a state-run agency can just remember to fill potholes from time to time....
Fish and game spokesman Harry Morse told the San Bernardino Sun Tuesday his department would not decide whether the bear will be euthanized because the attack occurred outside its jurisdiction during a training session on facility grounds. Morse speculated that the county animal care officials may decide the bear's fate. A call placed early Wednesday to the county's Animal Care and Control Program was not answered.
TVGuy: Um, "decide the bear's fate"? We're all agreed on killing this animal here, right? No one is trotting out the defense "well, he was just having a bad day.. you know how bears can be don't you?" ... right?!?
Sheriff's Sgt. Dave Phelps said the bear was a 5-year-old male named Rocky. The Predators in Action Web site said Rocky is 7 1/2 feet tall and weighs 700 pounds.
TVGuy: "Predators in Action"?!? Yikes... I guess it's my duty to head over there and check it out...
Wow, there are a lot of photos... and I found some of "Rocky"...
Kind of like Rocky's "Glamour Shot" I guess....
"Rocky the Bear" meets "Bob the Snack"...
The site, which was off-line early Wednesday due to overtaxed bandwidth, identified Rocky as the animal that appeared with Ferrell's character in the scene from "Semi-Pro." Randy Miller doubled for Ferrell in the bear wrestling match, according to the site.
TVGuy: Again, if you are "wrestling a bear" for a living.. well, your High School Guidance Counselor failed you in ways that I can't possibly break down here....
Calls seeking comment from Randy Miller were not immediately returned Tuesday evening.
TVGuy: Well, there was "throat" all over the floor that needed cleaning up... who would expect him to have time to answer the phone?
The center, located in the San Bernardino Mountains east of Los Angeles, has two grizzlies, and also trains lions, tigers, leopards, cougars and wolves for uses ranging from film and TV to advertising and education.
TVGuy: I'd shore up the "education" part of the center, but that's just me....
In a February interview, Randy Miller called Rocky "the best working bear in the business," the San Bernardino Sun reported on its Web site Wednesday. But, the paper quoted him as saying, "If one of these animals gets a hold of your throat, you're finished."
TVGuy: "If one of these animals gets a hold of your throat, you're finished" narrowly surpasses "If a shark has you in its jaws..." for 2008's "Worst Sentence Ever" Award...
Randy Miller has 25 years of experience training animals and his facility has had a perfect safety record, according to the site.
TVGuy: "Had" is obviously the key word in that sentence...
Randy Miller won a World Stunt Academy Award for his work wrestling tigers in the 2000 blockbuster "Gladiator" and performed stunts with his animals in films like "The Postman," "The Island of Dr. Moreau," and "The Last Samurai." He also helped recreate animal attacks for National Geographic documentaries and the Discovery Channel.
TVGuy: In the future, if your resume has "The Gladiator" on it you may want to leave off "The Postman".... just trying to be helpful here...
It was not immediately known how long Rocky has been at the facility.
TVGuy: I can guess how long he'll be at the facility from this point forward... my money's on "Not Long"...
The attack prompted actress Virginia McKenna, founder of the international wildlife charity Born Free, to call for the entertainment industry to stop using wild animals. "The movie industry urgently needs to use its technological and creative imagination to put an end to the use of live wild animals in commercials and movies," McKenna, who starred in the 1966 wildlife film "Born Free," said in a printed release. "Hollywood is a dream factory ‚ this time the dream has become a nightmare."
TVGuy: Hey Virginia... shut the hell up why don't you... from all of us here at TVGuy... thanks...
Denise Richards, who works with wild animals at Moonridge Zoo, a sanctuary for injured and homeless wildlife in nearby Big Bear Lake, said trained animals that turn on their handlers are often destroyed. "You can train them and use as many safety precautions as you can, but you're still taking a chance if you're putting yourself in contact with them," Richards said. "It's still a wild animal. Even though it may appear that the bear attacked for no reason, there was a reason. I'm sure Randy understands why it happened. They're not cold-blooded killers."
TVGuy: Actually, I'm pretty sure that "Rocky" just saw the handler by a different name... "Lunch".... again, It's a Freakin' Bear!!
Native grizzly bears are extinct in California.
TVGuy: I can't imagine why....
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Mandy: I was thinking that it would be a good idea, as a symbol to signal how serious we are about our relationship with China, if we asked them for another bear.
Toby: I think it would be a good idea as a symbol to signal that China is serious about their relationship with us if they stop running over their citizens with tanks.
--"The West Wing" (NBC)
2 comments:
"are sharks ticklish? Is that a strategy I could employ?"
very funny TVGuy. I spit up my coffee reading that..
K.
On Mythbusters, they did an experiment testing this punching-a-shark-in-the-nose-will-ward-off-attack theory. The results were basically this: Sure, if you can land a blow, the shark will back off. For a moment. However, it doesn't cause the shark to put its tail between its fins and swim away broken.
So, it buys you another few seconds, which is great if you're on the verge of being rescued, but if you're out in the middle of the ocean with no boats around, you've pretty much just pissed off the shark.
But, really, we humans aren't that tasty; they'd rather have a seal. We just get bitten and spit out.
Not that it seems better...
Ah, the joys of journalists who have to fill time or column inches.
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