going postal, part two....

Number 43 of my favorite 100 photos is....

















This was taken the day before July 4th.... there were fireworks at Coors Field and I took this from my condo's deck... to me, it looks like the explosion is going off in the trees... liked the red streaks in the mostly black and white makeup of this one as well.... as always, pictures at TVGuy grow magically by just clicking on them... there is no charge for this service....

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A couple of photos have trickled into the mailbox that I'd like to share...

TVGuy Correspondent Chris passes along this unholy combination of two of our favorite foods....



















mm... chocolate covered bacon... despite every cell of my body telling me not to eat it, you'd at least have to take a bite, right? Or am I just insane... hard to tell this early in the morning....

"H" of "T&H" sends us arguably the worst attempt to lock a bicycle in the history of.. well.. bicycles....


















I saw a bike locked to a parking meter once that I thought was pretty lame... but this wins the "Lamest Lockup" Award hands down... although wouldn't a wouldbe thief be too embarrassed to lift that sign up the requisite inch or so needed to abscond with the bike? I'd hope so....

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Loyal readers of TVGuy perhaps remember this encounter at a postal station just months ago... I hadn't been back to a post office since... but yesterday I needed to pick up some insured mail and reluctantly ventured once more into the world of stamps and... er... well, envelopes I guess... pretty boring place when you get right to it...

I’d just like to comment on a few things if I may…

1. Have you seen those little toys they sell there such as a mailbox? No, not a lifesize recreation like this one....


















(Are these children practicing a felony here? I can't tell...)

But a 5 inch version that.. well, as far as I can tell does absolutely nothing at all...

That’s hours of fun for a kid, right? What child doesn’t dream of future postal mailbox fun? (Okay, The Unabomber.. but that's about it...)

2. They also had stuffed bears there wearing shirts that had pictures of stamps on them.

I'd like to make a pledge now to all of my friends that have decided to repopulate the species... I will never, ever give your child "Stampy The Bear" as a gift.

This I swear to you, on this day of our Lord, May 10th, 2008... so shall it be...

3. The lighting, wall art and general feeling of my post office always makes me feel like I’m going back in time… Interior Design not a strong suit of our Federal Government…. To confirm this, behind the counter there was a poster enticing you to purchase their “Autumnal Stamp Series”… unfortunately, the poster was from 1997… and I heard someone call someone else a “whippersnapper” there once… seriously, it’s like the Post Office from "Little House on the Prairie"…. there may have been cattle out back...

4. There were four counter areas where postal workers could have been helping customers… unfortunately only 1 of them was attended…marking the 1,923,456th consecutive day in which an American Post Office was not fully staffed…. Seriously, have you ever been to a Post Office when there were the maximum number of counters being utilized? Even during the Holidays?? Me either....

5. Each counter that was unattended had a sign on it that said “Window Closed”.

Look, I know what a window is (an opening in the wall of a building, the side of a vehicle, etc., for the admission of air or light, or both, commonly fitted with a frame in which are set movable sashes containing panes of glass) and this is a counter, not a window. There’s no glass, no walls, nada. At least a Ticket Window has glass and a little opening… this is just a counter. Nothing more. Nothing Less. That’s always bothered me…

6. I finally make my way through the line (I am now the only person left in line… and am called up to the “window” by a less than friendly woman who is clearly exhausted and tired of her job today, even though it’s not quite 9:30 a.m. yet… she tells me she’ll be with me in a minute and then begins to take the paper clips that had spilled out of a plastic container and onto her desk area back into the plastic container…

...one at a time.

Really.

Honest.

One. At. A. Time.

And there were like 5,024 paper clips on the counter… after a couple of minutes of watching her place 34 of the 5,024 paper clips back into the container I thought I’d help out by just adding a kindly comment…

TVGuy: You know, it might be faster if you swept them all at once with your hand…..

(when I got to the Post Office there were nine people in line... as always happens with me for reasons never fully explained by the universe when I get to the counter there is no one in line with me anymore... the line never "fills up behind me"... it happens to me virtually every time I get in a line and I can't explain why...

...my point here is... I'm the only one left to help in the room... maybe helping me with my postal needs THEN turning your localized insanity towards the Paper Clips of Doom might be the way to go here... unfortunately, "Irma" doesn't think so....)

Kindly Postal Officer: I'll just be a moment sir... (embarrassed somewhat by my attention to her problem, she redoubles her efforts by now placing two paper clips at a time into the plastic container... which is pretty remarkable when you think about it because she actually exactly "redoubled her efforts" from one to... well, two. Despite being thrilled by this occurrence, I'm still projecting her completing her paper clip assignment sometime in the year 2012... and as much as I'm enjoying hanging out with "Stampy The Bear" and friends, I've got other things to do... so I once again engage her in conversation hoping to break the spell of the disorganized metal office fasteners...)

TVGuy: I was just wondering why you call these “windows” and not “counters”? There isn’t any glass right?

Kindly Postal Officer: (puzzled) I’m sorry? (still working on the Paper Clips, but her concentration is beginning to wane... I.. well, "redouble my efforts"....)

TVGuy: That sign over there says “Window Closed”. That really isn’t a window, right? It’s just a counter…

Becoming Less Kindly Postal Officer: Umm… it’s actually like a Ticket Window… that’s what they mean…

TVGuy: Yeah, but you guys don’t even sell tickets! That makes it even weirder? Unless you can get me two for “Iron Man” for Friday Night at the Denver Pavillions...

Slightly Miffed Postal Officer: No. No I can't. Can I help you?

TVGuy: (the paper clip problem seems to have averted.. oh happy day! I quickly continue...) Why yes, yes you can… I have this receipt to pick up an insured letter!

Still Slightly Miffed Postal Officer: I need to see some ID please.

TVGuy: Certainly! Only too happy to oblige!

Now Miffed Postal Officer: (looks at ID for a portion of time that indicates she may feel I’m a member of the Taliban…) I’ll be right back.

TVGuy: Splendid! (she then goes into the Post Office "back room" where who knows what is going on... she may be feeding the cattle back there.. getting a snack... checking her email... but whatever it is she's gone for what feels like the better part of the next lunar cycle... okay, maybe it's more like 10 minutes.. but it's just one letter here folks.. how long can this possibly take? Then I remember the paper clips and wonder if I should order a pizza while I wait... )

(10 minutes later..)

Molasses-like Postal Officer: The letter isn't back there.

TVGuy: But this little piece of paper left my postman says it's here.. the cabinet behind you says "Insured" on it.. could it be in there?

Now Thoroughly Miffed Postal Officer: Let me check... hold on...

TVGuy: Splendid! (she turns and goes to the cabinet.. and what do you know.. there it is! The fact that I had to find my own letter in the post office makes me feel a little less than secure in the hiring practices of our Government...)

Embarrassed yet Miffed Postal Officer: Here you go. Is there anything else? (Said with an inflection that clearly meant "Get the Hell Out Of My Post Office So I Can Get Back To These Paper Clips in Peace"... but I wasn't done quite yet...)

TVGuy: Yes, there is. I see here that your Priority Mail packaging comes in "Three Great New Shapes"!! (their words, not mine) I see the 8x11 Box here... what are the other "Great New Shapes"? I work for a company that manufactures an object that is slightly rhombodal in nature...

Clearly Confused Postal Officer: (Not sure what to make of the word "rhombodal") Well, there is that box, then we have two larger boxes here...

TVGuy: Yes, but they are all Rectangles. I want to know what other Shapes you have. Like, could I mail a Frisbee? Do you have anything in an Oval Box?

Now Angry Postal Officer: No. All we have is these three boxes. Do you need one or not? (about to call security on me.. fortunately, I'm pretty sure the "security" here at my post office would be on horseback, so I like my chances of escape...)

TVGuy: I'm just saying, your sign says "3 Great New Shapes"... I think they mean "3 Great New Sizes"... don't you?? It's very misleading...

No matter, I'll just take my insured letter and leave.. I need to attach my receipt to my letter...

.... (giddily) do you have a paper clip I could borrow?

Seething Postal Officer: Yes. (hands me a paper clip with a reluctance never before measured in a humanoid... I think she would have rather handed me her life savings...)

Crazed Postal Officer: Have. A. Good. Day. (said with a voice that could only mean a good day for her would be if I stepped in a pool of lava at some point...)

Ladies and Gentleman, Your United States Post Office! Feel the Magic!

(I'll be sticking with e-mail for the foreseeable future....)

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Mailman: (handing Pete the mail) I hope you get jury duty.
Pete: I hope you're on trial....
--"Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place" (ABC)