sweet, sweet beverly...

TVSis admiring our somewhat hearty rapids cascading through the Nederland forest....

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We've had quite a few photos this week at TVGuy... and today is no exception....

Why you ask? Well....

About 5 years ago I heard about a beverage so hideous tasting, so evil, that any who dared drink it faced a severe punishment beyond any beverage heretofore consumed by man...

Of course, I began a quest to acquire this beverage...

...and failed at every turn...

The "problem" was that it was an Italian soft drink manufactured by the good people at Coca-Cola, and despite calling their Atlanta headquarters, scouring eBay, Craig's List, and having TVGal's parents actually inquire about it while they were actually in Italy... failure loomed everywhere...

I would read about it from time to time on the 'net... and seeing these comments only intensified my desire to dive into the cool refreshing waters known simply as... Beverly.

Here are some of my favorites...

While in Vegas, a colleague and I stopped by Everything Coca-Cola to try their special "International" drinks. For a small fee we got to sample 16 different Coke-produced beverages from around the world. Things were going well until we tried... Beverly.

Beverly, from Italy, is easily the most vile thing I've ever attempted to drink. It is clear, bubbly, and has no real scent. But drink it, and you start - start! - with black licorice. From there it only gets worse. Imagine a pot of decaying flowers mixed with the most bitter liquid you can think of. That's a start. It attacked my tongue, upset my taste buds, and ultimately offended me. That's right - Beverly offended me.

A quinine apertif soft drink bottled by Coca-Cola in Italy. It tastes like something one would use to remove paint from old entertainment center furniture.

I can't remember any of the foreign names, save for one - a beverage so bad, so offensive it burned its name into my brain for all eternity. Beverly. Just typing the word out makes me want to induce vomit. Beverly. A name that betrays your instincts - it teases with visions of beautifully manicured lawns and glittery cocktail parties around vast pools of cerulean blue. But no, Beverly is none of that. Beverly is lighter fluid and car exhaust and kerosene.Beverly is iodine, syrup of ipecac and turpentine. Beverly tastes just like the drippings caught by the rubber mats lining the bar at the neighborhood watering hole.

The Beverly is embalming fluid.

You can use the Beverly to wipe the rust off a buick... Seriously...

As you can see, it's not a popular beverage... Why Coca-Cola would produce a drink this hideous may never be known... but it was becoming increasingly clear that I would never get to experience it for myself...

But I continued to write about it from time to time, and as luck would have it my friend Todd not only reads my blog but last week in between asking his lovely girlfriend to marry him and enjoying the Vegas scenery... went to the Coca-Cola museum in Sin City...

... and bought a Sprite, emptied out the bottle and filled it with the mystical Beverly and stowed it safely in his checked luggage....

But when to finally lose my Beverly Virginity?

The Packers were in town playing the Broncos Monday night and we had some folks over before and after the game to enjoy tasty beverages and some bratwurst...

...and why not make others suffer right along with me??

Here's TV's Todd and Gina, happily posing with the Beverage of Doom....

They look so gleeful don't they? Well, in addition to being newly engaged, there was another reason... they didn't drink any of the Beverly...

I'm clearly excited by the prospect of finally experiencing Beverly for myself...

...with a chilled shot glass in hand I bravely risked my taste buds all the pursuit of liquid truth... years of build-up now finally coming face to face with reality...

How bad was it? Could it possibly be as bad as others have said? Umm.... well... okay, to be fair.. obviously drinking turpentine or laundry detergent or something like that would be worse... but this is a liquid Made For Human Consumption... it's actually bottled by a Major American Beverage Consortium... so given that... well...

Actually, it's worse...

...the aftertaste combines metal and cough syrup, with just a hint of bile laced with vomit.

Why on Earth would Coke bottle such a horrific evil swill? Fortunately, others would experience it for themselves...

Next up, TV's Chris, who seems pretty enthusiastic about the opportunity...

This quickly changed however....

Long time TVGuy Correspondant Ted seemed pleased with the prospect of tasting...

after it hit his tounge however, his mind changed quickly....

Marc wondered how bad could it possibly be? (For some reason, I thought Marc may be immune to Beverly's charms...)

...and then he found out.... somewhat immune after all... hmm... is he Kryptonian?

TV's Matt was both intrigued and horrified....

... that just changed to horrified soon enough....

Some neighbors down the hall decided to crash the party.... they regretted that decision almost immediately...

I don't think they'll be back....

Ron's wife (tastefully named Megan a la TVGal...) wore Packers garb which makes her a-ok in my book...

Unfortunately, I don't think she thinks I'm so hot after her introduction to Beverly....

And there you have it... the ending of yet another TVGuy Lab Taste Test, easily the most horrifying yet...

Damn you Beverly... damn you....

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New in Theaters This Week

>>"American Gangster" (Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe); Finally, a movie title that to some degree spells out what you're in for.... unless this ends up being a film about a struggling Little Rock ballet company... then I give up...

Rating (out of 100)

Rotten Tomatoes: 82
Metacritic: 77
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 65

>>"Bee Movie" (animated); Given all the Seinfeld promotion for this one, I've heard suprisingly little... er.. um.. well.. buzz...

Sorry.

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 53
Metacritic: 54
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 65

>>"Martian Child" (John Cusack); A heart-warming soul-satisfying faith-restoring family film about a kid who.. er... um.. thinks he's a Martian.

But he's not. Because there is no life on Mars. I mean, none at all. So he couldn't be from there. So the premise is kinda stupid. Forget I brought it up.

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 30
Metacritic: 49
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 70

New on DVD This Week:

>>"Spider-Man 3" (Tobey Maguire); For those of you out there who still feel that the screenplay isn't that important for the overall quality of a film, I give you Exhibit A...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 62
Metacritic: 60
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 61

TVGuy: 50

>>"License to Wed" (John Krasinski, Robin Williams); I could go on and on about why this film was so bad that I actually considered suicide 2 or 3 times while viewing it... but I'd rather just say that I'd drink a 6 pack of Beverly before watching this film again...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 08
Metacritic: 25
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 40
TVGuy: 05

Until next time....

__________________
Gwen Stacy: I mean who gets kissed by Spider-Man, right?
Mary Jane Watson: I can't imagine...
--"Spider-Man 3" (2007)