photo follies...

A side shot of St. Malo's Cathedral...

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I could go on and on about our Honeymoon and how awesome it was and how fantastic the resort was etc.. yada.. blah...blah...blah...

And I could show you lots of the normal photos that one would take on a long wonderful vacation... sunsets, palm trees, soft white beach sand.... (and I'll get to it...really...)

But if you've read this site at all over the past year... you know that sometimes we like to point out the odder things...

for example....

We flew NorthWest Airlines to Jamaica... it was my first experience with the Airline... I didn't know what to expect... but if any of you have the opportunity to utilize their High Tech Communications Systems....

...well, clearly you'll feel as I do that there's a good chance that the Accounting Department at NorthWest clearly is either using a Commodore 64 Personal Computer...

...or an Abacus...

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Also in the airport we noticed several signs for The Foundation for a Better Life... I'm sure you've seen them... pictures of Albert Einstein sticking out his tounge, or Helen Keller doing... well... whatever it is she did...

They also champion a Blind Mountain Climber that conquered Everest... here is that advertisement...

Look, I know this isn't a photo of him on top of Everest... but that's what they want you to believe.. even though this was probably shot in some studio and the mountains added digitally later...

Given that, I suppose my query to the Marketing folks here is...

Why isn't he Wearing Gloves on the Top of an Icy Cold Mountain Being Pummelled by Sub-Zero Winds???

I'm just hoping he remembered socks and shoes....

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I'm not really sure how to discuss this...

But I'll try...

In our bathrooms at the Resort there were bags there provided to discuss Feminine Paper Products so they weren't flushed down the toilet...

Sensible move, and after looking at the little pile of them stacked on the toilet I gave it no further thought...

The next photo I'm going to show clearly illustrates two things...

1. There is virtually nothing I won't photograph for Blog Purposes...

2. I know some people like to read in the bathroom (myself included)... but you don't see me grabbing a bar of soap or a disposable razor and shoving it between Chapters 6 and 7....

If I had to come up with a list of ways or things I'd use for marking my place in a book... well, it would go something like this....

1. A Bookmark

2. Turning Down the Corner of a Page

3. A receipt or other small piece of paper

1,298. A used Band-Aid

4,092. A sofa cushion

12,904. Dry Ice

23,901. Jell-O

461,206. A live hamster

461,207. A dead hamster

12,903,922. Fecal Matter

9,034,026,456. Envelope for the Discarding of Feminine Hygiene Products

9,034,026,457. Things Inside of an Envelope for the Discarding of Feminine Hygiene Products

Just saying...

(TVGal "discovered" this on the airport shuttle and was giggling so hard I at one point considered a medical intervention...)

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In the Negril Airport there were banners for the new Jamaican Economic National Slogan....

Today's Jamaica Means Abject Poverty Business!

Ah, the dream of every young Jamaican girl... to grow up and work in a Fast Food Chain..... that's Today's Jamaica!

(For the record... doesn't the woman in this photo look like an East Philly Housewife? You couldn't find someone that was from..you know.. Jamaica?!)

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Back at our Resort, we had an Internet Cafe (and by "Cafe", I mean 10 computers with an automated Nescafe Coffee Machine which worked apparently only when the moon was Full or Waning...)

But they had a helpful bulletin board there to help members get together to have dinner, discuss the resort, hang out, and in general bring together the guests in a way which couldn't be done by say... sitting next to each other at the beach and talking... here was the helpful advice given on a note laminated and thumbtacked to the board...

And here is the actual bulletin board... which explains why we barely spoke to anyone during our Honeymoon...

Today's Jamaica Means Keep To Yourself....

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And finally... keeping with the Internet Cafe theme... about once a day TVGal and I would go there to check our email because... well, how bout a quiz...

a) we enjoyed keeping up with family and friends during our long vacation..

b) we enjoyed the complimentary coffee served impersonally by the Soulless Automated Coffee Dispenser

c) we enjoyed talking to other users of the Cafe and learning about their stay at the resort as well as fascinating insights into their International Lives....

d) we enjoyed the sub-zero temperatures apparently needed to keep the 10 computers running smoothly....

If you answered "d", then congrats...

Anyway... you'd have to admit that if you paid thousands of dollars to stay at an all-inclusive resort you wouldn't be This Guy...

Yes, he's playing Solitaire.

Let me repeat that. At a beautiful Caribbean resort he was spending his time playing F&%$%$@#@ing Solitaire!!!!

He was there virtually every time we went there.. and each time he was playing Solitaire...

Every. Single. Time.

If his wife was there checking her email she would have to wait until he finished the game.

Really.

I tried to figure out possible reasons to explain this behavior and came up with this list...

1) He's an Idiot.

2) He's a Moron.

3) He's... well, actually... that's it. He's either an Idiot or a Moron...

(I realize that for the 4 seconds I wasted there to take a picture of a guy playing Solitaire that I was at an all-inclusive Caribbean resort .. you know.. taking a picture of a guy playing Solitaire... but I do it all for you.. in the interest of science.. or something.. let's move on...)

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Still waayyy behind on the TiVo but so far what I've waded through has been...

...well, entirely predictable.

Rating (out of 100)

The Office (Season Premiere): 92

The Office (Episode 2): 86

Numb3rs (Season Premiere): 90

House (Season Premiere): 85

House (Episode 2): 86

Smallville (Season Premiere): 74

Smallville (Episode 2): 59

The Bachelor (Season Premiere): 63

The Bachelor (Episode 2): 55

Bionic Woman (Season Premiere): 08

(The Opening Credit Sequence for "Bionic Woman" was so bad I actually laughed out loud. For the love of all that's good and pure NBC, change it IMMEDIATELY...)

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New in Theaters This Week:

>>"Michael Clayton" (George Clooney); Not the most compelling of titles is it? I know it's a legal thriller and all... but that title isn't getting any guy to the theater in a hurry...

It's supposedly very good... but... "Michael Clayton"??

Why not "Wheels of Justice"? "Legal Seduction"? "Co-Ed Jello Shots off of Clooney's Tight Buttocks"? Wait... that isn't getting guys there any faster either.. forget I brought any of this up...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 84
Metacritic: 82
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 81

>>"The Heartbreak Kid" (Ben Stiller); Apparently Mr. Stiller is in hot pursuit of Jennifer Aniston's Record for "Playing The Same Character In Every Film".. only 4 to go Ben... keep it up.. we're all counting on you...

Rating (out of 100)

Rotten Tomatoes: 35
Metacritic: 45
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: n/a

>>"The Seeker"; I have no earthly idea what this film is about. And I'm kinda thirsty so I think it's time for a nice cup of coffee... I made a pot this morning for TVGal as she got ready for work... I don't have to be in til 2pm today so I decided to watch a little TV and play with TVCat. I finished all of our laundry on Wednesday so today I'm going to be a little lazy and... wait, what movie were we talking about again??

Rating (out of 100)

Rotten Tomatoes: 19
Metacritic: 43
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: n/a

>>"Feel the Noise"; I think I'd watch Richard Simmons and Halle Berry costar in a romantic comedy before seeing this film... what's that you say? It couldn't be that bad?

Really?

After a run-in with local thugs, aspiring Harlem rapper Rob (Omarion Grandberry) flees to a place and father (Giancarlo Esposito) he never knew, and finds his salvation in Reggaeton, a spicy blend of hip-hop, reggae and Latin beats. Puerto Rico, the spiritual home of Reggaeton, inspires Rob and his half-brother Javi (Victor Rasuk) to pursue their dream of becoming Reggaeton stars.

As I was saying...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: n/a
Metacritic: n/a
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: n/a

New on DVD This Week:

>>"1408" (John Cusack); One of the rarest things on this or any planet... a supposedly good film based on a Stephen King story...

Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 77
Metacritic: 64
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 66

>>"Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" (Jessica Alba); A pretty clunky title... but it beats their first one which was "Remember How Cool That Shiny Metal Villain Guy from "Terminator 2" Was"?

I don't think anyone making this movie grasped that it was kinda cool.. you know... Sixteen years ago....

Two years from now we'll be treated to "Fantastic Four: Revenge of That Curious Morphing Fellow"...

Rating (out of 100)

Rotten Tomatoes: 36

Metacritic: 45
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: n/a

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Susan Storm: You were at 4,000 degrees Kelvin! You were approaching Super-Nova!
Johnny Storm: Sweet!
Susan Storm: No, not "sweet"! That's the heat of the sun!
Reed Richards: You could kill yourself, other people, and burn up the atmosphere, ending all human life as we know it.
Johnny Storm: Got it. Super-Nova bad.
--"Fantastic Four" (2005)