out of sight (tv)...

A stream in downtown Breckenridge...

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Look, we here at TVGuy watch a lot of Television (still wondering how the TiVos are going to hold all the premiere month TV while I'm on my 10 day honeymoon...) but we can't watch everything...

The other day I was chastised for not having watched a particular program (even though everyone in America was!! What was wrong with me!!!!??) and I began thinking of all the shows I'd never seen.. you know... ever. And since I happen to have a blog about TV, what better place to make a list of...

TVGuy No Shows....

(I'll amend this list to add shows that I've either never seen or a maximum of 5 minutes of one episode... in other words, I've never seen a complete episode ever of the program...)

First up...

>>"The Simpsons" (FOX); I get more grief for this misstep than any other... and I worked at FOX for 5 years! I have no excuse.. I fully understand that the program is hilarious... I've just never taken the plunge.. please forgive me...

>>"Law & Order" (NBC); It's been on.. what... 83 years now? Never seen a lick of it... and that goes for....

>>"Law & Order: SVU" (NBC); and of course it goes without saying that I haven't seen any of....

>>"Law & Order: CI" (NBC)

>>"Close to Home" (CBS); this procedural was set in Indianapolis... I lived in Indy for 10 years and there wasn't enough crime there to fill up even one episode of television... let alone years...

>>"Futurama" (FOX); oh come on.. I haven't seen "The Simpsons".. what on earth makes you think I've watched this??

>>"Love Monkey" (CBS); Sorry... that title just scared me away....

>>"The Unit" (CBS); As I was saying...

>>"Brothers & Sisters" (ABC); I understand it's quite good.. but it stars Calista Flockhart.. and after "Ally McBeal" I needed a little therapy.. I can't go back in.. I just can't...

>>"Family Guy" (FOX); I know, I know... but it's hard for me to commit to a cartoon (I love "South Park" but I haven't seen that in years either...)

>>"Friday Night Lights" (NBC); I know it's great.. it stars two of my favorite actors working on TV (Chandler and Britton).. but I just assumed NBC would cancel the thing after 1 year... I'll catch up on DVD later... promise...

>>"Third Watch" (NBC); Wasn't "E.R." enough? I think so...

>>"Deadwood" (HBO); I know it was good.. I'm sorry... any excuse I use here won't be enough... okay, I'll try anyway... "Umm.. er... the dog ate my homework..."

>>"King of the Hill" (FOX); see "Simpsons", "Family Guy" entries...

>>"Oz" (HBO); I didn't have HBO at the time...So it's really not my fault...

>>"Dexter" (Showtime); I think in retrospect I've never seen a Showtime Original Series...

>>"Homicide: Life on the Street" (NBC); That's a pretty sucky title.. wasn't it just originally "Homicide"?

>>"The Wire" (HBO); I know, I know... great wonderful terrific show... I just have a hard time watching anything about drug use... I'm sorry...

>>"Weeds" (Showtime); See entry for "The Wire"...

>>"The L Word" (Showtime); not really my demographic now is it?

>>"Married with Children" (FOX); I've never seen this show and I'm certain it's one of the 5 worst programs in television history... is that fair? No, but I don't care....

>>"Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" (NBC); I saw the opening credits once and ran as fast as I could away from the TV...

>>"B.J. and the Bear" (NBC); A trucker and his monkey. 'Nuff said...

>>"Stingray" (NBC); My friend Chris loved this show.. I still don't really know what it's about... there's a car I think.. and a detective.. maybe... I'm not sure...

>>"Babylon 5" (Syndicated); I saw "Star Trek: Deep Space 9"... didn't need to watch a show that was pretty much identical in every way...

>>"Dr. Phil" (Syndicated); Is it just me, or does Dr. Phil and Oprah together have the two largest noggins in television history..??. (apologies to John Tesh of course...)

>>"Herman's Head" (FOX); Whatever...

>>"Mr. Belvedere" (ABC); Never got into the ABC "Family Comedies" back in the day.. which is a good thing because it meant I missed....


>>"Family Matters" (ABC); An Urkel-Free life is a life well lived I'd say...

>>"Jericho" (CBS); Seems like a good idea for a show.. not really sure why I didn't watch it...

>>"Even Stevens" (Disney Channel); I of course haven't seen it.. but that's not what what I want to talk about.. why is it the "Disney Channel"... what else would it be? It's on television... is there another option?? Why isn't it just Disney? Bugs me just a little, but I'll get over it...

>>"Da Ali G Show" (HBO); I'd have to be tied to a chair to watch this...

>>"Two Guys a Gal and a Pizza Place" (ABC); One Guy, a Gal and a Remote Control Unit say otherwise...

>>"Arrested Development" (FOX); At the risk of getting rapped in the mouth some from friends of mine.. I think this show was horribly overrated... I'd watch a few minutes and was just baffled... Let's just agree to disagree, okay?

>>"The Office" (BBC); I understand it's quite good, and I love Ricky Gervais' work in "Extras", but my love for the American version is almost boundless and I want to keep my "Office" a singular memory if that's okay with everyone...

>>"Reba" (WB); Not my cup of tea in every way, but I understand she's pretty good in it actually...

>>"Full House" (ABC); Ick.

>>"NCIS" (CBS); I have a rule.. only two "acronym" shows at a time.. sorry guys...

>>"The Suite Life with Zack and Cody" (Disney); See how I dropped "Channel" there? I'm nothing, if not inventive...

>>"That's So Raven" (Disney); Sure, I could type something like ""That's So Not Happening!"... but clearly That's So Beneath Me....

>>"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX); So You Think I'd Actually Watch??

>>"The Real World" (MTV); There is nothing "real" about this program. I really hate MTV....

>>"Total Request Live" (MTV); My request isn't actually printable here....

>>"Big Brother" (CBS); Julie Chen just flushing her news credibility down the toilet... well done Jules..

>>"Rules of Engagement" (CBS); If David Spade was drowning in a river near me.. well sure, I'd throw him a life preserver... but I'd pause for a bit and think about it first...

>>"MadTV" (FOX); Whatever...

>>"Psych" (USA); I hear it's excellent... but I only have so many hours in the day folks...

>>"Trading Spaces" (TLC); Is this show still popular? Hell, is it even still on TV?

>>"America's Got Talent" (NBC); I'll take your word for it...

>>"Scrubs" (NBC); Look, I know every year thousands of TV critics fall over themselves and praise this program.. and how it's our fault as a TV audience that it's not more popular.. and how it's NBC's fault for moving it all around the schedule...

...but I just watched the movie "The Last Kiss" and I've come to the inevitable conclusion that Zach Braff is a talentless hack...

..oh, and he's not "The Voice For Our Generation" or whatever bullshit Entertainment Weekly wants to peddle... and his little doctor sitcom sucks too...

I feel much better...

>>"Hannah Montana" (Disney); Look.. I'm 43 Years Old.. and I don't have kids... what are you expecting here?

>>"What About Brian?" (ABC); What about him?


>>"The Amazing Race" (CBS); I love "Survivor".. and I understand this show is quite excellent for what it is... I just never got to it.. don't hate me...

>>"Kyle XY" (ABC Family); A show about a guy with no belly-button... wait, is "Belly Button" hyphenated? I mean, I don't have any idea... I've seen it both ways.. I think... wow, this is going to bother me for awhile... what show were we talking about again??

>>"Shark" (CBS); I just think the movie "Jaws" said it all on this subject... kudos for CBS tackling a show with obvious expensive production values.. I understand shooting on water can be very expensive...

>>"The Closer" (TNT); I've just been informed that "Shark" stars James Woods and is about lawyers or something... nothing to do with aquatic life at all.. man, I've got to hire me one of those fancy fact-checkers....

As for "The Closer".. .I'm sure it's great.. but I can never get past the essential question that this program offers.....

... that is.. is Kyra Sedgwick attractive or ugly? There's no way to tell, is there? Science needs to divert some funds for this one...

>>"Spongebob SquarePants" (Nickelodeon); So, the sponge is named Bob? and his pants are square? This leads me to ask really the only question that bears asking...

What other shape would they possibly be? Sponges are generally rectangles, right??

(Of course, the greater question is why the sponge is wearing pants in the first place.. moving on...)

>>"Crossing Jordan" (NBC); Couldn't. Care. Less.

>>"Ugly Betty" (ABC); Hey, did you know the title character wears braces?? I do, because I see her face once a day on various Web marketing Popups, Viral Ads, and invasive crap that keeps me from watching this supposedly excellent show... oh well..

>>"The Avengers" (CBS); I know it's an old show... I just think it's sad that the only real knowledge I have of it is from the movie with Uma Thurman, Ralph Fiennes and Sean Connery that almost made want to take my own life outside the theater...

>>"Everwood" (WB); I love that there is a pretty successful actor working in Hollywood who has a first name of "Treat"... makes me giggle every time...

>>"The Shield" (F/X); I missed the boat on this one... damn...

>>"Ghost Whisperer" (CBS); There are literally 3,412 jokes I want to make right now.. I can't decide between any of them, so I'll just say that TVGal hates Jennifer Love Hewitt to an almost pathological degree...

>>"The Hills" (MTV); Why do I hate this network so much? Here's the show's description from IMDB.com... "After high school graduation, "Laguna Beach" alumna Lauren sets out to live on her own in Los Angeles and work as an intern at Teen Vogue." Yeah, I don't think so...

>>"Burn Notice" (USA); I understand it's a nice little show...

>>"21 Jump Street" (FOX); That's a pretty strange title isn't it?

>>"Highlander" (Syndicated); Always thought the movies were a bunch of hooey.. certainly not making time for the watered-down version of.. well.. hooey...

>>"Nip/Tuck" (F/X); Not/Watched.

>>"Criminal Minds" (CBS); Not a fan of Mr. Patinkin's work... besides, I only have room for 2 CBS Crime Procedurals ("Numb3rs", "CSI:Miami").

>>"Cold Case" (CBS); The title scared me away...

I think that's the major ones.... Ill have to do the same for films later in the week...

Until next time...

__________________
Bart: Can I have a beer?
Homer: All right, but not the imported.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: You've got to set limits, Marge...
--"The Simpsons" (FOX)