Shockingly, yet another July 4th photo makes an appearance...
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Your weekly Nielsen ratings ensue...
Rank / Show / Network / Viewers (in millions)
1. America's Got Talent NBC 10.76
2. Singing Bee NBC 9.8
3. So You Think You Can Dance? FOX 9.56
4. Two and a Half Men CBS 9.23
5. Without a Trace CBS 9.17
6. CSI CBS 9.03
7. 60 Minutes CBS 8.88
8. CSI: Miami CBS 8.82
9. Hell's Kitchen FOX 8.59
10. So You Think You Can Dance? FOX 8.35
11. CSI: NY CBS 8.27
12. NCIS CBS 7.83
13. Dont Forget the Lyrics FOX 7.81
14. Dont Forget the Lyrics FOX 7.73
15. Big Brother CBS 7.52
16. Just for Laughs ABC 7.53
17. Law & Order:SVU NBC 7.35
18. Dateline NBC 7.23
19. Big Brother CBS 7.12
20. Big Brother CBS 7.09
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I can't remember if I'd posted this News Blooper before, but someone asked me if I knew where it was and I'm always happy to help...
If you haven't seen it... well... I can't adequately describe it... I'm sorry in advance..
____
I received our first "Beat TVGuy Emmy Ballot" yesterday from... well, just from someone cruising by for the first time... which gives me a chance once again to remind all that...
1. It's Free.
2. There are prizes.
3. It's Free
So, armed with that knowledge, know that the entry can be found here or in the Links column until mid-September...
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"I can't think of a major story that we have broken that was incorrect. But we have had to correct some things that were false..."
--Mary Hart, "Entertainment Tonight"
A while ago after watching a few minutes of one of our numerous nightly entertainment programs available to all television consumers I felt slightly ill... mainly because I couldn't believe just how bad the program was...
In the interest of science I TiVo'ed the 4 major Entertainment vehicles in Syndication, and will now watch them all back-to-back to determine which, if any, are worthy of your attention...
(Warning: Small children reading this blog should not attempt this... TVGuy is a highly-skilled trained television professional with years of experience... please consult an adult or guardian before even considering this daunting task...)
so, without further ado... our running diary commences...
Date: August 8th, 2007
Place: TVGuy Mansion
Event: Entertainment Television Marathon
I'm back from a rigorous workout, fresh coffee is brewing... armed with fresh cantaloupe TVCat and I begin with the Entertainment Mothership...
>>"Entertainment Tonight" (hosted by Mary Hart and Marc Steines).
8:57am: I'm not sure but I think the initials of this show are "ET".. as they appear over 40 times in 15 seconds. Our first story is about the Charlie Sheen divorce, and apparently it's an exclusive! Lucky me...
8:59am: Apparently his Beverly Hills Home's backyard "Looks Like a Playground".. you know, because there's a swingset. With two swings. Yep, he went all out... it's like Disneyland back there...
9:00am: Unfortunately, they're dragging this Exclusive out until tomorrow... moving on...
9:01am: Mary Hart introduces their continuing Lindsay Lohan in Rehab Coverage... apparently they broke the story... thank god they tirelessly pursue this celebrity... my life is the richer for it...
9:03am: Snoop Dogg hopes she gets better. He speaks for us all...
9:04am: Later we'll go inside the Rehab Alcohol Centers ... the Horseback Riding.. the Spa... the Gourmet Food!! All NEXT!!!!!
9:05am: Ah, my favorite storytelling device (Invented in the Labs of ET by Entertainment Scientists!)... the "Let's Take 3 Photos... and Zoom In On Them Over and Over From Various Angles Because We Weren't Allowed To Videotape The Ultra-Exclusive Party So We'll Talk About Virtually Nothing While We Waste Time With Photos Shown 6,571 Times Apiece...."
9:06am: Jenny McCarthy in a Playboy Bunny Outfit. Don't worry, it was "All in Good Fun and for Charity!!"
9:07am: Paris Hilton! I was wondering how she was recoveringas a changed woman from her prison ordeal and hoping her new life would serve as a shining example for young women the world o'er!
9:07:15am: Then again... (she's dressed in underwear only and dancing around at a club... thank god she's better...)
9:08am: Another ET Invention.. the "We'll show you this Movie Trailer and pretend it's a story.. kind of..."
9:11am: Good Lord, Another Exclusive Movie Trailer. Guess it's easier than actually.. you know... "Reporting" and "Writing"...
9:12am: Our first tease... Star Jones, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie... Seriously, do Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Angelina Jolie just wake up every morning and praise God for giving them that trio to divert photographers away from them?
9:14am: Christie Brinkley is having some sort of western..benefit..thing... I'm not sure, but some woman just called her "An American Hero"... (it's a lot easier being a "Hero" these days apparently...)
9:15am: The spinning graphics and camerawork are scaring TVCat... he's relocated to a safer distance from the TV Set...
9:16am: Wait, another tease.. that was fast... and let's see who we are talking about...
Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and Star Jones...
(To be fair, the hardworking production staff has also thrown a muscular guy in underwear at the end of the tease...)
9:19am: Nicole Richie used heroin and cocaine but now wants to be a role model for kids. I'm not really sure how that's possible...
9:19:15am: And she's pregnant. Great... I can't wait to see her Sonogram sponsored by Crest Whitestrips and Vitamin Water...
9:20am: Star Jones has lost so much weight she actually no longer casts a shadow.
9:21am: Lindsay Lohan's story finally airs. Did you know that ET broke the story??!! It's true... and they are showing other Entertainment websites that reported that ET Broke the Story!! Apparently this is important for some reason.
9:22am: The video from the "Treatment Center" is so grainy it makes the Zapruder film look like it was in HD...
9:23am: It's possible I could care less about Lindsay Lohan... but I'm not sure how...
9:23:15am: Thank God! There is more to the story, and they are bringing it to us Tomorrow!
9:23:30am: If there are better commercials on TV right now than the Sonic Drive-In spots.. I haven't seen them... Shame their food isn't better...
9:25am: Over the closing credits the hosts inform me that the Underwear Model is 6'1" and a Capricorn. I'm beginning to dread the next 90 minutes of my life...
As journalists, we keep pushing and pushing...
--Mary Hart, "Entertainment Tonight"
After a much needed coffee refill and some juicy cantaloupe balls (that didn't sound good did it?) it's time to enter the word of...
>>"Access Hollywood" (hosted by Shaun Robinson and Tony Potts)
9:35am: We're covering Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie...and they've apparently borrowed ET's SuperDuperSwishyNauseaCam... it's like being trapped on a video rollercoaster...
9:36am: apparently Lindsay Lohan's rehab center has a Spa, Fireplaces, Horseback Riding... I guess it's nice...
9:37am: Wait, Christie Brinkley was in the Hamptons... I thought she was doing a Western Charity Thing... she certainly gets around...
9:38am: There was a Scientology Celebrity function celebrating the Church's 38th Anniversary. What's next, their 5,000th week Gala? The 1 Millionth Minute Extravaganza? Who throws a party for a 38th Anniversary??
9:40am: Wow, a production error. I'm actually flabbergasted. Why wouldn't that get fixed in post production? Very sloppy...
9:41am: This show makes ET look like 60 Minutes.
9:43am: Access Hollywood is brought to us by Capital One's new Something Or Other... I'm barely conscious at this point...
9:45am: American Idol Auditions... that's funny, I don't remember waking up this morning in the Seventh Circle of Hell...
9:46am: Jenny McCarthy again.. I hadn't counted on the repetition factor being this numbing... am I going to see this story 2 more times this morning? Wait, that means more Richie and Lohan footage as well... TVCat just yawned twice so I'll let that cover the reaction here at the TVGuy Mansion...
9:47am: Good Morning America's Robin Roberts is apparently doing well following Breast Cancer Surgery... that's good news...
9:48am: for the 11th time the "Lights...Camera....Access" graphic is used. This show more than anything feels lazy. Like it's produced by the winners of the Reality Show "America's Top Interns!"
9:50am: Our Nicole Richie story has a different twist... ABC actually does the heavy lifting and does the interview with Ms. Richie, and Access Hollywood employs a "Body Language Expert" to see if she's lying or not... and apparently she is... or isn't... it's not entirely made clear. But the camera was moving around a lot and there were sparkly graphics so it's not a total loss...
9:51am: She isn't doing drugs or alcohol during her pregnancy... it's all about sacrifice and choices people...
9:52am: Next! Katie Holmes! Kate Hudson! John Mayer!
9:52:15am: Wait.. we are still doing stories? I thought we just teased to commercial... what the hell is going on?
9:53am: I love when people use "Full-figured" and "Curvy" in sentences... when actually they mean "Fat"... Jennifer Lopez is "Curvy"... the women they just showed... not so much...
9:55am: The Access Hollywood "Picture of the Day" is Michelle Pfieffer... well, just smiling. It's just a normal photo.. and black and white to boot... Not really so much "Picture of the Day" as "Stuff we Found Lying Around The Art Department"....
thankfully, it's over.... TVCat has fallen asleep, but I soldier on... next up...
"An important landmark for us early on in ET days was the coverage of the Twilight Zone helicopter crash story, in which Vic Morrow and two children, who were actors in the film, died. Everyone used our footage."
--Mary Hart, "Entertainment Tonight"
>>"Extra" (hosted by Mark McGrath and Dayna Devon)
10:02am: George Clooney apparently is dating someone. This leads to a proclamation by "VoiceOverGuy" that this will "Break The Hearts of Single Women Everywhere"...
Really? Everyone who isn't married thinks they have a shot at this guy?
Oh well, at least they're talking about something other than Lindsay Lohan and Tom Cruise...
10:02:20am: Spoke too soon.. Cruise - Check! Lohan - Check! Spears - Check!
10:03am: Jenny McCarthy - Check! Honestly, it's the same show with different graphics.
10:04am: Extra's got "Shots" of Kate Hudson kissing someone. Actually, they have 1 "Shot"... and they just zoom in and out of it a zillon times. Couldn't Mary Hart just host all four of these programs? Wouldn't we all benefit?
10:05am: I must disclose at this point that I'm pulling for "Extra" to be a bit better than the others as my old roommate Carlos is the Vegas Reporter for the program... and here he is now! Right on Cue!! Actually, his "newsroom" or wherever he's doing the intro for their Lohan story looks pretty good... I'd ask the interns in the background not to refill the Xerox machines while taping segments, but other than that it looked good... well done Mr. Diaz...
10:05:30am: I want to once again ask... Why on Earth does anyone care this much about Lindsay Lohan? Am I missing something? It can't be her filmography... I mean, "Herbie the Love Bug"?? What secret am I not being let on here?????
10:06am: Great, it's the same 4 photos ET used to show Kate Walsh "Cutting Loose" at a Bachelorette party... and yes, we're zooming in and out of them to make up for the fact that there isn't any video available...
10:07am: I hope that by undertaking this task that I'll prevent others in the future from making the same mistake...
10:07:30am: TVCat either just yawned and stuck his paw out, or he struck me in the shoulder on purpose... No point in asking him...
10:08am: Kate Walsh says she feels "Sexy and Delicious" driving a Cadillac. I know, it doesn't make any sense to me either...
10:09am: More Jenny McCarthy. To say I'm regretting this morning's decision to watch these four shows is an understatement....
10:10am: Ah, a
10:11am: Apparently the Bionic Woman is "Faster than a Britney Spears Marriage"... hey now, no biting the hand that feeds ya there "Extra"...
10:12am: Isiah Washington from Grey's Anatomy has joined the cast. As reported by every major news outlet a week ago. I didn't say this was timely....
10:13am: Our first tease... Hannah Montana is wearing more makeup than Dolly Parton. I'm vaguely nauseated...
10:13:30am: I'd also like to say that while I know that "Hannah Montana" is Billy Ray Cyrus' daughter... I know nothing about the program... so let's find out together in this morning's..
"Know the Show"!
This, from IMDB.com...
Hannah Montana is a preteen who just moved from Tennessee to Malibu, and now has to adapt to a new lifestyle. She also lives a secret life as a pop singer, overseen by her manager, Robbie Stewart.
I think I'd rather watch these four shows again rather than 1 second of that... let's move on...
10:14am: Skeet Ulrich is now one of "America's Most Eligible Bachelors". I'd go into more of the Skeet Ulrich interview, but I don't want to. I'm doing you a favor. Trust me.
10:15am: Teri Hatcher's backstage trailer gets a makeover! Try to contain your excitement as rich celebrities get free stuff...
10:17am: They're still talking about the trailer. I don't believe it either...
10:18am: They're doing the Hannah Montana story now and apparently she's playing Dolly Parton on the show... which explains the makeup... so I guess that was my bad back there... I'd go back and edit the comment, but that would just mean extending the pain I'm feeling now...
10:19am: Apparently this show is insanely popular... I had no idea. She seems nice. I'll cease the mocking...
10:20am: I'll give "Extra" a little credit... it employs all the evil production techniques from ET and Access Hollywood, but it seems to be a little less tabloidy... at least they spend some time on each story...
10:20:15am: So I guess what I'm saying is that they get "Extra Credit"... Hey Now!!
10:23am: Penelope Cruz is certainly a lovely woman, but can anyone understand a damn word out of her mouth? Anyone? I just saw her L'Oreal commercial and the Closed Captioning on my television thankfully told me that she was telling me to "Go Natural with Natural Match by L'Oreal"... but it sounded like "Pirate EyePatch Gumdrop Porridge Moppy Birdhouse"...
"Johnny Carson, when he and Joanna split after many years of marriage, everybody had it on news. That's big news when big stars have a problem."
--Mary Hart, "Entertainment Tonight"
One more to go... I have never seen a second of this program so who knows what to expect... let's enter the world of...
>>"The Insider" (hosted by Pat O'Brien)
10:35am: Wait a second... their "Lindsay Lohan Exclusive" is exactly the same as Entertainment Tonight... and their "Insider" look into the rehab center is using the exact same footage... somebody's lying around here...
10:36am: good, more Charlie Sheen... and "This Just In" - The same 4 photos of the Kate Walsh Bachelorette Party... kill me.. kill me please...
10:37am: Pat O'Brien and Mary Hart are collectively 187 years old and yet appear not a day over 175 tops... either they're putting vaseline on the lens to make them appear less wrinkly, or my brain is beginning to shut down...
10:38am: I am not making this up. They are doing a "Dog Mauling Story"... apparently there was an incident at Ving Rhames home over the weekend... but Pat O'Brien shows some grainy video and exclaims "...As Video of Another Vicious Canine Attack Surfaces!!!!"
Umm.. Pat... I hate to break this to you... but we had that video at a tv station I worked for... in the Late 80s!!!!!!! It isn't "Just Surfacing!!" I saw it about two decades ago! That isn't just lazy reporting, it's pathetic...
10:38:30am: The voiceover just exclaimed "The Video Our Newsroom Just Uncovered!!" By "Uncovered" they obviously mean "Our Interns Found It Surfing YouTube"... really really embarrassing folks...
10:39am: Jimmie Walker apparently walked off the set of his new TV series! I wasn't sure Jimmie Walker was still alive, so I guess this is good news... kinda...
10:40am: Boy there must be some hard feelings between ET and this show.. The Insider also "Broke the Lohan Story"... and showed their website to prove it!! (Really crappy website by the way...) Also, Pat O'Brien exclaims "Town and Country" names the rehab center that Ms. Lohan is staying at "One of the Country's Top Rehabs"!!! This is not an awful place and has many different amenities
amenities that you might see at some top rated hotels. The stay here will be beneficial to the people staying there and help them with their problems, but it will also have that resort feeling of the hotels in Miami. Obviously they will not have the bars that many hotels will have but will in some ways feel like the Chicago hotels during the times of prohibition. With many people knowing they should not be using any substance but are still wanting it and working through their issues.
I'd kill myself right now, but I haven't heard anything in the last 15 minutes about Tom Cruise or Nicole Richie... I owe it to myself to keep going...
10:41am: They show ABC's interview of Richie... do they actually leave the studio? I mean, ever?
10:42am: Charlie Sheen's story is broken down with graphics and music better suited to.. to... er.. actually, I can't come up with an analogy because it was so pathetic I actually fell unconscious...
10:43am: I hate this show.
10:44am: Wait a minute.. they just used some graphics that ET used as well.. are these shows like Sister Programs? Is it the same Set? Off to Google...
10:45am: They are sister programs! The Insider is a spinoff of ET, for reasons passing understanding... why do we need basically the same show? And all that nonsense about "Breaking stories first" and "Exclusives" is now rendered moot as its the same show. Sort of. Does it really matter at this point?
10:46am: I mean, I really hate this show...
10:47am: This program is like Entertainment Tonight on Steroids... I need to take a shower..
10:48am: Tomorrow we'll have "new details" on Lindsay Lohan and The Insider will be "On The Ground"...
I'm not sure of a lot of things, but you can take the sentence "I'll never watch this program ever again" to the bank...
10:49am: Okay, we're ready to talk about the "New Dog Video that The Insider Uncovered"... again, I want to say that this video is at least 20 years old...
10:50am: Yep, they're showing the video as if it just happened. So this means basically...
1. They don't know how old the video is or where they got it from. Or..
2. They are lying.
So they are either lazy irresponsible journalists, or they are purposely deceitful. Either way, just a shameful display by the program...
10:52am: That was their "InDepth" Segment... I think it lasted 72 seconds. I've mentioned how much I hate this program, right?
10:53am: They are teasing video of Ashley Judd's race car husband flying through the air for the 5th time. Wanna bet he's A-OK?
10:54am: Hey, he's unharmed!! But we got to show the crash a billion times for no real reason whatsoever!! Because it was our "Video of the Day"!!! What an honor...
10:57am: Mercifully the end credits roll and Pat O'Brien gives a shoutout to "Their Good Friend Usher" who got married this weekend... so the singer Usher is a good friend.. to who exactly? Pat? The Insider? Paramount Television? All of Humankind? What did that mean?
10:58am: And... we're done. I hope you appreciate what I've gone through here today... I'm just glad that Ms. Lohan is getting the help she needs...
Our final grades...
Rating (out of 100)
Entertainment Tonight: 29
Access Hollywood: 26
Extra: 43
The Insider: 02 (I'm giving them credit for not having any onscreen typos...)
____________________
I am actually wearing slacks on the show more than I ever have - it is now acceptable, and I like mixing it up...
--Mary Hart, "Entertainment Tonight"
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