Yet another TVCat boa spectacular...
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Our TVGal Morning News Update... she has informed me that there is a company that transforms your toilet into an aquarium...
Yes, it's "Fish n' Flush"!
I really just have two things to say here...
1) At least when the fish die they won't have far to go.... (was that insensitive?)
2) The website says that... "These acrylic tanks are fully functional, impact resistant and stronger than china."
Stronger than china?? Isn't china... you know, pretty fragile? Isn't that like saying that it's stronger than Styrofoam? I'd like something that holds that much water to have a tensile strength a bit higher than my Aunt Mary's Gravy Boat....
Oh, and if you're worried how the aquamarine motif will fare during the holiday season, fret not...
It's official. There are now no new ideas left. At all. Just in case you were wondering...
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Tomorrow the sequel to the first fairly putrid Fantastic Four film comes out... not only is the title kinda ridiculous... "Rise of the Silver Surfer"... but I just saw the movie poster art and I have a question.....
From this perspective, isn't that Surfer guy speeding towards.. you know... the ground? Like, he's going to crash into the pavement in about a millisecond...?? Seems fairly odd to me...
The Spider-man Movie Posters have been guilty of weirdness as well... frequently they show our web-slinger soaring through the skies of New York City without a care in the world...
Just one question...... what's his web attached to? The fictional 875 Story Trump Plaza building? Seriously, isn't he like 3 miles up in the air? I'm just saying....
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Got my brakes replaced yesterday... didn't need that 500 bucks anyway... and I realized that all waiting rooms are not created equal....
Last week at my dentist's office I remarked that the lobby was like a Barnes & Noble... a myriad collection of current magazines were distributed everywhere...
At Just Brakes, my selection was a bit more... er... limited...
Before I get into this, I'd like to point out three things...
1. I've lived in Denver for 7 years. I've never been skiing. Ever.
2. I lived in Indianapolis for 10 years. Never saw a car race. Ever.
3. As the "British are no longer coming", I've never owned or even held a firearm/gun. Ever.
Suffer with me, won't you? (Next to selected magazines I've chosen what I thought was the highlight on each cover... as always, these are actual magazine stories...)
>>North American Fisherman - "Catfish Management Update!"
>>Motor - "Advanced Mode Diagnostics!"
>>Ski
>>Skiing
>>Motor - "Fluid Exchange Equipment!"
>>Brake & Front End
>>Hunting - "11 New Varmit Rifles Released!"
>>Ski (There was a guy on a bicycle on the cover. I don't know why...)
>>Master Technician
>>Skiing - "Rectal Parachutes" (No, I'm not making this up...)
>>Automobile
>>Car Craft - "Cheap & Beefy" (Really, I'm not making this up... honest...)
>>Motor
>>Englewood Activities Guide (This month's "activity"... Walking!)
>>Automobile
>>Field & Stream - "My All-Time Best Guns!"
>>Skiing
>>Automobile
>>North American Fisherman - "Meat Eating Trout!"
>>Undercar Digest (Winner of TVGuy's "Magazine I wouldn't read if I was Stranded on a Desert Island" Award...)
>>Servico Automotivo (Si!!)
>>Apartments for Rent
>>Automobile
>>Motor Age
>>Englewood Activities Guide (Last month.. Walking! This Month... Volleyball! Dangerous... Edgy... That's Today's Englewood!! Come Feel the Excitement!!)
>>Automobile
>>Motor Age
>>Hunting - "America's Underrated Game Bird!"
This intrigued me a bit... was there an Overrated Game Bird? Was there rampant jealousy in the Game Bird Community? So I turned to page 76 to find this article headline....
Special Places, Special Shotguns and Special Memories are what Hungarian Partridge Hunting is all about...
Amen brother... amen...
where was I? Oh yes...
>>Motor Age
>>Hunting
>>Marie Claire - "Your Best Summer Bikini Body!" (How did this get in here?)
>>Automobile
>>Ski
>>Skiing
>>Ski
>>Field & Stream (The word "crappies" was on the cover twice... thought it was worth noting...)
>>Automobile
>>Family Car - "Check this baby out!" (Wow, that is one hot Nissan Sentra!!))
>>Ski
>>Max Power - "For the enthusiasts of boomin' and cruisin'!" (I don't know what "boomin" means either.. sorry...)
>>Motor
>>Skiing
>>Euro Tuner - "Focuses on the global late-model tuning arena" (Thank God.. Longtime readers of this blog know that I've always said that the late-model tuning arena has been sadly underreported by the National Media, especially on a Global Level....)
>>Ski
>>Automotive
>>Field & Stream (There was a flyer inside for an online magazine called "Gunversation". Winner of TVGuy's "Most Ridiculous Madeup Word Ever" Award...)
>>Hunting
>>Gun Dog - "Picking Your Dream Pup!" (I am not making these up...)
>>Motor
>>Monster Muleys (Sorry, I'm not Googling "Muleys"...you can't make me...)
>>Ski
So basically I could read about Guns, Skiing or Cars... My little slice of Hell, right there in the lobby...
But then.. out of nowhere.. a little girl came in and dropped off....
yes, Highlights Magazine... it hadn't changed a bit in the past 35 years... "Goofus & Gallant" were in there... life was still worth living...
Unfortunately it took about 42 seconds to read it (I think there were 17 words total, including the cover...)
So I spent the last hour of my automotive stay reading about "Tenneco's DynoMax Plans Dyno Challenge!".
Which had to do with... cars.
I think.
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Tank: What do you need? Besides a miracle.
Neo: Guns. Lots of guns...
--"The Matrix" (1998)
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