Our magical memory tour down the lane of TVGuy Mansion Construction continues with... well, it's a bathroom cabinet... They all can't be scenery-chewing winners here folks...
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Several times during an average workday questions come up and if you don't know the answer, well, embarrassment ensues for not only you but your co-workers and friends... from time to time here at TVGuy we like to lend a helping hand and peel away the veil of ignorance that shrouds our daily lives...
and so, we ask....who's the United States Surgeon General???
C'mon... I'll give you a few more seconds...
give up? Of course, its.....
Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H.,
Your Acting Surgeon General!!!!!
Woohoo!!
(This Public Service Message brought to you by TVGuy, Polka-Dots, Coca-Cola Bottlers of Northern Raleigh and Viewers Like You...)
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A few weeks ago at TVGuy video we showed a guy missing the first question on "Who wants to be a Millionaire", which I thought had to be the most excruitating Game Show moment of all time.....
Then this gal showed up....
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Hey, it's the First Ever TVGuy Summer Blockbuster Throwdown...
...our three contestants are "Shrek 3", "Pirates 3" and "Spiderman 3" (nice showing of originality there Hollywood...)
anyway, each week we'll see how they are doing at the box office and keep track of who will win the greatest battle of our time!! (look even I'm throwing up at this point..sorry.. I just want to see how much they make this summer, okay?)
Through May 23 (worldwide and domestic grosses combined)
1. Spiderman 3: $754,924,527
2. Shrek 3: $158,727,316
3. Pirates 3: $0
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Oh, before I forget... if you are a parent with children, well of course one of your great hopes is that one day they will
then by all means steer them clear of this... this... god, I have no idea what the hell this video is supposed to do... just watch it and recoil in terror along with me, won't you??
(And no, I have no earthly idea why there are subtitles either... )
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I work at a Television Network with a lot of younger people.... every single one of them had heard or seen the commercial for this program... I still have no freakin' idea what the Hell is going on here...
I'm just a few years removed from talking about my co-workers as "whippersnappers" aren't I???
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Sure, everyone thinks Seattle gets the most rain every year in this country...
but this isn't true in the slightest...
1. Mobile, Ala.: 67 inches average annual rainfall (a.a.f.); 59 average annual rainy days (a.a.r.d.)
2. Pensacola, Fla.: 65 inches a.a.f.; 56 a.a.r.d.
3. New Orleans, La.: 64 inches a.a.f.; 59 a.a.r.d.
4. West Palm Beach, Fla.: 63 inches a.a.f.; 58 a.a.r.d.
5. Lafayette, La.: 62 inches a.a.f.; 55 a.a.r.d.
6. Baton Rouge, La.: 62 inches a.a.f.; 56 a.a.r.d.
7. Miami, Fla.: 62 inches a.a.f.; 57 a.a.r.d.
8. Port Arthur, Texas: 61 inches a.a.f.; 51 a.a.r.d.
9. Tallahassee, Fla.: 61 inches a.a.f.; 56 a.a.r.d.
10. LakeCharles, La.: 58 inches a.a.f.; 50 a.a.r.d.
Suprisingly, they are all in the South... who woulda guessed?
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The good folks over at "Bear Planet" (I don't understand either...) have conducted a Poll for their visitors...
The Question is:
What you think when is okay to kill bears??
(Okay, it should be "When do you think", not "What You Think When"... hmm... trouble already... let's see what results the poll brings us...)
>>It is not okay to kill and hunt - 53% (that seems reasonable. next!)
>>Only in Self Defense - 20% (yep, If it was a choice between myself and Mr. Bear I'm going with TVGuy every single time... so far so good...)
>>Only if Animal is injured and wont get better - 9% That makes sense... next...
>>For Food - 8% (Wait, I knew it... I've been joking for years that Panda Express...
has been using chunks of real Panda in their products.. now I have proof!)
Eight percent of people in this poll actually consider Bears "food"?? Really???
Is there an off shoot of this....
somewhere in the world I'm unaware of?
(singing)
Polar Bear Helper
helps your Polar Bear
help you
Make a Great Meal!
(now with extra Bear Seasoning!)
"Mom, that's Delicious Bear!!"
>>For Fun 6% - Now that's just mean... I don't think shooting Bears could ever be considered "Fun"... It's not like you go out with your wife on your anniversary or your daughter's birthday and fill one of these noble beasts full of lead....
>>Celebrate an Occasion 3% - then again, maybe you do....
>>For Traditionaly Medicine 1% - First of all, that's their spelling of "Traditionally", not mine... not that it would make sense if the spelling was correct... but what medicines out there are using "Bear"?
No, no, I insist... please allow me to Google it won't you??
(Googling...)
Hmm... not much here folks, although in the world of Totems.. ah, I'll just cut and paste it...
"The Bear is the keeper of the dreamtime, and stores the teachings of dreams until the dreamer wakes up to them. If you like bears, you should maybe look into some books on interpreting dreams; especially if you're a heavy dreamer. If you need a lot of sleep, it may be Bear working."
Ummmmmm...... yeah, okay. Whatever...
Anyway, the good people at "Bear Planet" (still makes very little sense...) have something to say about each type of Bear...
I warn you... the English language is not the strong suit of the editors of "Bear Planet".... I defy you to read each sentence coherently....
>>Polar Bear is a noble-looking animal and of enormous strength, living bravely warm amid eternal ice... They are the unrivaled master-existences of this icebound solitude.
>>Brown Bear is master in a belly-flop...
>>Grizzly Bear; The grizzly accumulates 200 kg of grease in order to cross the winter in a state of lethargy...
>>Kodiak Bear; During their long sleep a remarkable adaptation called the anal plug prevent them from fouling themselves or their den. This plug is thought to be an accumulated residue of vegetable matter that blocks the intestines until it is expelled in the spring.
(Okay, that sentence is okay.. I just thought it would be fun to attract future Googlers who typed "Anal Plug" into a search engine to my site...)
>>Black Bear; The black bears seeming lack of affression, scientists have therized, may be connected with their abriginal, forested habitat.
>>Panda Bear; Minion of of children, zoo men, wild animal hunters, photographers and toy makers everywhere. Sometimes as symbol of the WWF and also the protection of species generally he attained world-wide admittingness despite his very much limited circulation area.
(he?!?)
I can't look at that site anymore... it's becoming... er... well.. unbearable... I'm so sorry...
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New in Theatres This Week:
>>"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" (Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom); I still haven't seen the 2nd one so it will be sometime before this gets scratched off any list I might have had that included it... I don't think it will be coming via Netflix anytime soon... at least, not if this conversation a month ago with TVGal holds up...
TVGuy: "Hey, can you put 'Pirates 2' in our Netflix Queue?"
TVGal: "Really??"
TVGuy: "Um.. no.. never mind..."
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 49
Metacritic: 54
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 57
>>"Bug" (Ashley Judd); okay, I thought this movie was about lots and lots of insects, but I'm informed its a taut psychological thriller instead. Hey, it's 2 hours of the delightful Ashley Judd in a hotel...
I'm sure I could talk TVGal into at least renting it...
TVGuy: "Hey, can you put 'Bug' in our Netflix Queue?"
TVGal: "Not a chance in Hell..."
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 54
Metacritic: 63
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 67
>>"Paprika" (animated); a delightful look at the secret world of Spices, this lavish Disney animated treasure stars Robin Williams as "Pepper", the wacky leader of the spice world which comes alive in the kitchen cabinet at night....
Kelly Clarkson stars as "Paprika", the fiery young spicy starlet who just wants to sing and make food a little more interesting...
Adam Sandler is "Salty", whose jokes and laughter keep the other spices entertained while learning life's toughest lessons...
Rosemary Clooney stars as.. well... er... "Rosemary"...
and Sean Connery guest stars as "Sage", a wise, crusty old spice whose life's experience proves invaluable when the homeowners go on a Vegan diet and the entire Spice family must band together to show that life is not only Delicious but essential to... umm.. well... you see.... er....
Okay. Fine. It's a Japanese Anime film.
(But you tell me, which of those two scenarios would you rather watch? I thought so....)
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 94
Metacritic: 80
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 79
New on DVD This Week:
>>"Letters from Iwo Jima"; Clint Eastwood directs this World War II epic. It's either your cup of tea or it isn't... I'm not talking anybody into anything here.....
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 91
Metacritic: 89
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: 79
>>"Apocalypto"; Mel Gibson directs. It's unusually violent, misogynistic, and racist... just like Mel Gibson!! Hey now!!!!!!!!
Actually, I don't know anything about it... I've only talked to two people that have seen it... one of them thought it was a thoughtful action-packed film while the other wanted boll weevils to burrow out her eye sockets after viewing it... as always, you're on your own here...
Rating (out of 100)
Rotten Tomatoes: 65
Metacritic: 68
Nat'l Society of Film Critics: n/a
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Gibbs: Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea.
Jack Sparrow: Yes to the first. Yes to the second, but only insofar as we keep to the shallows as much as possible.
Gibbs: Ah, that seems a bit contradictory, Captain.
Jack Sparrow: I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Master Gibbs.
--"Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest" (2006)
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